Category Archives: Contentment

Jun 04 2014
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Contentment

the illusion of happiness

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I like to think I’m a fairly happy person.
I also know I can fake happiness pretty easily when I need to.
I ALSO know that I rely on my emotions (specifically the happy emotion) to dictate my reality WAY too often.

I think we all just want to be happy in life. When you talk to people (myself included) about their future, the response is usually, “I want to get married, have kids, a good job, and be happy.”

According to the internets, the definition of happy is: feeling pleasure or enjoyment because of your life, situation, etc.

That’s great and all, but what happens when your life, situation, etc. doesn’t shake out the way you thought it would?

What happens when you’re a newlywed and you find out you can’t have children?
When you’re 47 and your dreams of being a wife and mother seem unreachable?
When you’re a widow at the age of 25?

Where is your happiness then?

I think we trick ourselves in to thinking that happiness is sustainable. That if we can just “be happy” everything else will fall in to place. But that’s an illusion. That’s not real life. Happiness is fickle and can change in an instant.

I need joy, not happiness. Joy (again, defined by the internets) is: a settled state of contentment, confidence, and hope.

I really love that. Because my settled state of contentment, confidence, and hope can be on Jesus and He doesn’t change!!

My emotions are famous for changing at the drop of a hat. Literally. Dropping a hat could make me cry.
But praise God my heart can be settled on Jesus and He is my source of joy.

Sure, happiness comes out of joy, but the Lord sustains my joy regardless of my circumstance.

When you’re a newlywed and find out you can’t have children, God is still God.
When you’re 47 and your dreams of being a wife and mother seem unreachable, God is still God.
When you’re a widow at the age of 25, God is still God.

And He is still good.

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May 21 2014
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Contentment

the 1-upper

Misery loves company.

In my experience, misery loves being the most miserable too.

If I could pick one question or topic that makes me giggle the most it is probably that singleness is “hard.” People will say things like, “being single must be so hard for you!” Or, “I can’t imagine being a single person today. You’re so strong.” Or, “how do you manage?!”

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A couple things here: 1) Being single is not hard. It may be annoying or inconvenient when I don’t want to go grocery shopping, but it isn’t hard. Hard is battling cancer, dealing with unemployment, or having your husband get hit by a car and break an ankle within a year of each other. 2) I usually give in to the question and make my life seem as difficult to the outsider as possible.

Remember when I said misery loves being the most miserable? When people ask about how difficult a certain season in life may be, I sometimes tend to play into the misery. I try to 1-up the miserableness.
“Man, singleness must be so difficult.”
“Oh, it is, plus, I can’t have a cat in my apartment.”
“Dang! Well, we can’t have cats either because of allergies.”
“Oh, you have allergies? Well I have chronic bronchitis and can’t breathe for an entire month out of every year, and I’m not married, so…”*

See where I’m going?

There have even been times when I’ve completely flipped the conversation to be all about me and my un-married life. A friend may be talking about how hard ministry is for her and I’ll chime in with, “yeah, I hear you. By the way, did I mention I’m still not dating?”

I think some of us (myself included when I don’t check myself…) want to be the most miserable. We want people to pity us. We want to play up our issues like our problems are way bigger than they are.

Why do we do this? Why do we allow discontentment to be the focus of our lives rather than rejoicing in what God has done and continues to do?

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t recognize or mourn hardships in our life. There is a time for that. But, as Paul writes in the verse above, we shouldn’t think or dwell on these things. We should rejoice in the truth that the Creator of all has made us new creatures, redeemed and brought back in to right relationship with Him.

Being single can sometimes be hard, especially when I make it my ultimate hope. Being single can be tough when everyone around you is getting married and having babies. Being single isn’t hard when I look to Jesus and think about the fact that He washed away my sins.

My challenge is that I’ll quit being the 1-upper. That I’ll let the Holy Spirit invade my life in such a way that others will see that my life is full of joy because of Him.

*side note: these are hypothetical conversations, but if I have actually had them with you, I’m sorry.

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May 14 2014
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Contentment

Letting God think He has Control

I’ve talked before about how I’m a manipulator and how I’ve tried to use God to get what I want. But I’ve not yet talked about how I try to fake out God.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, I love having control. I love thinking that due to my hard work or expertise, stuff gets done. I appreciate responsibility over certain things because it means that I have power and am able to work my magic to see things through to the end (much like Hermione Granger).

I like to let God think He has control over certain areas of my life. I’ll pray or journal about what’s going on in my life, but leave out the details/situations that I’d prefer to handle myself.

A prayer may go something like this: “Lord, I’m really struggling with being content in this stage of life, so if You could help me be content that’d be great.”

Meanwhile, in my head, I’m saying to myself: “But I’ll continue to pin wedding ideas on Pinterest, talk obsessively about this guy I have a crush on, not spend time in the Word seeking out Truth for my life, and eventually I’ll get over this discontentment when I feel like it…”

I’m sure God hears that and gives me this look:

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The problem with this nasty idol of control is that I really don’t have it. Even in my sinfulness, God has control. He is the one orchestrating my every move, even when I think it’s on me.

As a basketball player, one of my favorite moves was a fake reverse dribble. That could be a move my mom made up, but whatever. When I was younger and more nimble (aka: high school), I could fake out a defender and get the ball down the floor with one swift, fluid movement (for those of you wondering if I’ve ever been “swift” or “fluid” the answer is, yes, at one point in my life I was BOTH of those things). I loved it. I was in control. I was dictating the moves on the court.

I can’t do that with God. He knows my every move before I do. I’ll never be one step ahead. As much as I want to hold on to certain areas or actions in my life, ultimately I have no control over them. The Bible says that God knows me so well, even the hairs on my head are numbered! How can I think that the One who knows me that well doesn’t know my heart and motive?

The only thing I can control is my surrender to the Most High King.

Control is simply an illusion that I need to let go of.

May we all be willing to truly surrender to God and live in the freedom of having no control.

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Mar 12 2014
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Contentment

I Sometimes Think I’m Better Than You

One of my favorite psalms to read when I’m feeling particularly self-righteous is Psalm 73. In this psalm, the author Asaph writes of his envy of the people around him, and that is something that I can relate to.

I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. (verse 3)
Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches. (verse 12)
All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence. (verse 13)

Multiple times in my life I have thought like this. I look at those around me and think, “seriously?! They got the promotion? They got married, to THAT person?! They’re___________(fill in the blank of whatever I’m not at the moment)?!”

I’m so caught up in my selfishness that I miss the whole point. I miss that my life isn’t about me. I miss that I’m not staring in the lead role in this movie of life. I miss that God is the Creator and I am the creation.

I say to myself, “Pocahontas, you are such a good person, you follow all the rules, you check most things off of your to-do list daily, why do you not have what everyone else has? You’re a wwwaaayyy better person than most, so why do they leave the party with all the goodie bags?!”

Asaph recognizes that he be actin a fool himself. He continues on in the psalm:

But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin. (verses 16-18)
Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterword you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever…But for me it is good to be near God; I have made The Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works. (verses 23-26, 28)

I am not the point of my life, Jesus is. My flesh and my heart will fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I sometimes think I’m better than you and it frustrates me. I get mad about the fact that I don’t have what others do.

But then God gently draws me up onto His lap and reminds me that I have Him, that it is good for me to be near Him. That I’m not better than anyone, yet He still loves me. And He loves you too, because that’s the kind of God He is.

And that is the greatest possession of all.

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Jan 22 2014
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Contentment

stuck in the future.

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So here I am, posted up at Starbucks yet again. (Side note: I really love saying that I’m “posted up” whenever and where ever I can. I always wanted to be a post player in basketball, but since I’m 5’3″ that only happened twice my senior year…I think…so I’m gona say it here!)

Anyways. Back to Starbucks.

The Bux has become my writing place of choice for a couple reasons: 1) I love coffee, and the other coffee place in town closes at like 6pm, so there’s that. 2) I get to eavesdrop on conversations while they think I’m typing a blog post. Jokes on you!

But seriously, I eavesdrop a lot. My bad.

In one of my eavesdropping/writing sessions, I overheard a distressed mom say, “I just feel like if I can get through these next couple of years and get the kids in school, everything will be okay and smooth itself out.”

I immediately wrote that down because I heard so much of myself in that statement. Sure, I don’t have kids to identify with her distress in that way. (And by the way, homegirl was STRUGGLIN. Made me feel for all the moms out there.) But I have experienced discontentment in the seasons of life that I’ve been through. I’ve often thought, “Man, if I could just get through this basketball season…”

“If I could just get through this class…”
“If I could just get through this semester…”
“If I could just get through this shift at work…”
“If I could just find a man…”
“If I could just____…”

I think longing is somewhat built inside of me. I long for the day that Jesus comes back. I long for the day that “the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.”-Revelation 21:3. I long for a lot of things. But where I think I get it wrong is when I put my ultimate hope in that longing. As I’ve mentioned before (and will probably always mention, because it’s truth), my ultimate hope is to be in Jesus. My longing should be for Him.

Sure, I think it’s okay to look forward to the day that I don’t have to get up for an 8am economics class (praise Jesus that season is over!!). But if I think my ultimate satisfaction will come with the end of that season, I’m setting myself up for disappointment.

It can become easy to get stuck in the future—in hoping for the next great thing. There will always be something better if I’m not fixated on Jesus.

Question: What are seasons that you long to come to pass? How can we face these seasons together and find hope & contentment in Jesus?

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