Monthly Archives: July 2014

Cliches: Part 1

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By day I work as an administrative assistant.
By night I fight crime as Kaptain Kayla using the superpower of lulling people to sleep with random history facts. I digress.

My day job requires lots of tasks and details and getting things right. I spend a lot of time making sure that money adds up, dates are correct, formatting on documents line up, etc. It’s captivating stuff, really.

My point is, I know how to get things right. They may not be right the first time, but they get there. I can get the job done. I can do what needs to be done for the project to be completed and satisfactory.

I cannot, however, get myself right.

One of my least favorite cliches that seems to be used most often is: Just use this season of life to get yourself right before the Lord, then He’ll bring the right man along.

Pump the brakes please.

There’s just so much with this one I can barely handle it.

First of all, it’s implying that the only “good” that can come from a season of singleness is that I’ll end up with a man.

Secondly, it’s implying that I have to do something to “get right” with Jesus. I don’t know about your Bible, but mine says things like, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9) I cannot do anything to get right with Jesus. It is a gift of grace. And that’s a GOOD thing. Because if it were up to me I’d fail miserably. First road block and I’d duck out. I’m reliable like that.

THIRDLY, it’s implying that the point of my life is to earn some holy brownie points with God so that He will give me a husband, making the goal of my life marriage. I know I’ve talked about this before, but it’s still a lesson I need to preach to myself constantly! The goal of my life is to become more like Jesus and glorify God in all I do.

I’ve been the #1 offender when it comes to giving the “advise” given above. Raise your hand if Kayla has ever said, “Use this time to get right with Jesus so He’ll bring the right man to your doorstep!” *every hand in the room is probably raised*

I’m not saying that a season of singleness shouldn’t be used to deepen your relationship with Christ because it should be. But let’s not confuse a desire to deepen our relationship with Christ for the sake of Christ, with the desire to manipulate our way in to a husband.

Seek Jesus for Jesus.

And remind me I give bad advise if I ever say that phrase to you again.

Question: What’s a cliche you’ve heard or said to someone else that might not be the greatest advise ever?

(To see the full Kristen Wiig sketch, click here!)

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that time I only dated Jesus

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I want to start this off by saying the following words are only meant to reflect my heart and my experience, no one else’s.

Okay, let us begin.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I went to college and got really enlightened in the realm of Christian anti-dating campaigns. So much so, I joined up every chance I got. My favorite female Christian musicians did not casually date. As in, they did not date at all. Instead, the decided to not date until they had met the man they would marry. I read books that told me to side-hug dating goodbye, or something like that. I read tons of articles online about dating Jesus and how that was really superior to dating a man-boy.

I learned a lot about how I was probably a more holy person if I decided to not date at all, so I didn’t.

I was a part of the, “I’m better than you because I don’t date” club. I’m not sure what our national membership number was, but it was probably pretty high.

I distinctly remember a time when a young high school girl, who didn’t know me (we had just been introduced), asked if I had a boyfriend. Instead of just saying no, I dropped the guilt bomb on her: “Oh,” Kayla scowled as the innocent, unknowing teen looked on with great interest, “I don’t date.”

What my face and body language told her that my words didn’t was, “Oh, I don’t date. Because I’m above that. I’m better than dating. People who date are not cool people.”

I was a real winner like that.

I had turned what most people (like my favorite musicians and authors of well-meaning books) had meant for good, into a shame-inducing snarky lifestyle.

When I would explain to people that I was “dating Jesus” I wouldn’t do it with humility. I wouldn’t explain that dating relationships were an idol in my life and I really wanted Jesus to be my source of satisfaction. I wouldn’t share that it was a personal decision and that if you did date, it was fine, Jesus still loved you. I would, however, act like a total cotton-headed-ninny-muggins.

I think my point in all of this is that it’s okay to just date Jesus. It’s okay to have a season of life when you intentionally don’t pursue a relationship with someone because you feel the need to be close to the Lord. It’s necessary to put Christ above a boyfriend.
It’s not okay to shame other people in to your way of thinking, or to act like you are a superior human being because you’ve made a spiritual decision.

Don’t act like you’re life choices make you a better person. Jesus makes you a better person. So tell people about Him and how great His love is for us. That’s really the only thing that matters.

To see the lovely Maharelle Sisters all the way from the Finger Lakes, click here!

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a thing or two I can learn from Job’s friends

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I recently read through the book of Job and got smacked around a little bit. I’ve known the story of Job for a while, but I can’t remember a time where I read the whole story, start to finish.

You see, Job went through SOME STUFF. He lost his livestock (better known as his way to make some scrilla), he lost his servants (which was a big deal in that day), and he lost all of his children. He knew about loss better than I know about Saturday Night Live. Which is a lot.

So Job starts to wrestle with this and he has three guys speak into his life regarding why all of this calamity has fallen on him. The first one told him that the innocent prosper, so basically Job wasn’t innocent in some area of his life. The second tells Job he should repent. And the third, oh the third, tells Job that he deserves worse. If you’re interested in the rest of the story (Paul Harvey style), then go read it.

Here’s what I learned from Job’s friends: don’t be a big jerk face!!

Too many times in my life I’ve had a friend come to me, struggling with something hard in their life, and I’ve been the person that looks condescendingly upon said person and popped something off like, “Well, have you prayed about it?”, “I mean, maybe you have unconfessed sin in your life…”, or, at my worst, “You know, when you think about it, we actually have it really good. You should be grateful this is all you’re going through.”

Seriously, Smith?!

On the flip side, I’ve also been the one that’s had similar things said to her. One of my least favorite, yet most popular Job-friend-esque responses to me struggling through seasons of being bummed about singleness is: “There’s probably some personal stuff you need to work out with the Lord before you’re ready for marriage.” (or some version of that)

While I (sometimes) appreciate the sentiment, I don’t understand why we can’t just listen to each other and say, “I’m so sorry this is hard for you. I’m here for you. You’re not going through this alone.”

And I don’t understand why I have to be so pretentious and act like I have it all together.

So I guess what I’m saying is, let’s be better listeners with each other. Let’s do a better job of living life with one another. Let’s stop acting like we have all the answers whenever crappy things happen in life. Let’s give advise that is based in love and wisdom, not just a bunch of head knowledge that tears others down.

And if you’re sharing some hard stuff with me and I start to act like a hoity toity brat, pop me in the forehead and bring me back to life. Cause I want to be a good friend. I don’t want to be a jerk face.

(ps, click here for the full Garth & Kat skit!)

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