Tag Archives: singleness

one direction (now a new one)


So, my dear friends, it’s been almost 2 years.


I don’t know that I’ve been committed to anything other than coffee, queso, and softball for longer than 2 years!

Okay, maybe my family and friends. And pie. I’m definitely committed to pie.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.

I’ve stuck with this whole I’m-a-blogger thing for a long time. It started with realizing I had a voice – specifically a voice as a Christian female who also happens to be single. I realized that I had something to say about the way the Church interacted with “my kind.” (Using that phrase probably goes against everything I’ve said for the past 2 years…whatever…)

I was also struggling with that reality. That I was (am) single. That my life plan hadn’t quite played out the way I thought it would.

So I wrote about it. I wrote about my struggles and my triumphs. My interactions with others who try to navigate life differently than their family/friends/church crew expect them to.

And cool things started to happen. I started to see God show up in my life in ways that I didn’t expect. I began to see Him fill holes I forgot were there, because I was letting Him in.

I’ve been on this metaphorical journey for almost 2 years and I feel like it’s time to go on a new one.

I’ve become “Kayla, the Single Blogger” (I just gave myself that name, by the way…)

I don’t want to be known for singleness, I want to be known for Jesus.

So, here we are. Taking this thing in a new direction.

This doesn’t mean that I’ll never write about singleness again, because that is still part of my reality.

But instead I want to write about Jesus. I want to write about what He is doing in my life, in the lives of my family & friends, and how He is transforming hearts for His name’s sake.

I want to become Christ-like, not Kayla-like. I want Matthew 5:16 to be true of me:

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

I hope you’ll stick around, because I think really cool things are about to start happening again.

Tagged , , ,

a major benefit of being single

I don’t have lover’s quarrels in the middle of a busy Starbucks on a Friday afternoon.


The one that’s currently going on behind me is not pleasant.

Also, I haven’t written anything all summer and I miss it. Be on the look out for new and exciting content SOON!! (It’ll at least be new. I hope it’s exciting.)


Tagged ,

under pressure


First of all, I’m sitting in a Starbucks in the suburbs of Chicago and it’s super fun. I love Chicago. Let’s go to here together sometime.

Secondly, as I sat on a train for 8 hours today (yes…8 hours…because our train car detached and there was a huge hullabaloo but we finally made it after what seemed like 23 years), I read Amy Poehler’s new book Yes Please. So far, it’s exceeding all of my expectations. You should buy it from here.

I love Amy, and I’m loving what she has to say about life and all that jazz. While what she has to say is not necessarily from a Biblical worldview, I still appreciate her words and I think they ring true whether you’re a follower of Jesus of not.

The pressure of “What are you going to do?” makes everybody feel like they haven’t done anything yet.

-Amy Poehler

In this portion of her book, she’s talking about the struggles of being young. As I’ve mentioned before, there is a lot of pressure on us ladies, especially those of us in our twenties, to figure our business out and figure it out NOW! And heaven forbid you be THIRTY and still single! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Or still figuring out what your dream is.
Or still renting a small 1 bedroom apartment because it doesn’t make sense in your mind to buy a house.
Or if you’ve been married for 5 years and still don’t have kids.

As Amy said, when seasons in life are approached and discussed as if there’s something better, more fulfilling, to be attained, it’s as if you’re assuming that I’ve done nothing with my life.

Let’s not talk about what I’m going to do.
Let’s talk about what I’m doing.

Let’s not talk about how God will bring Mr. Right into my life when I’m least expecting it.
Let’s talk about how God is molding my heart and life to look more like Jesus.

And please, for the love of all that’s pumpkiny (because I have a huge #PSL sign in front of my face), let’s stop putting timelines on each other and celebrate the moments in our lives that are happening right now, and praise God that we have right now to celebrate.

*to see one of my favorite Amy characters, click here!!

Tagged , , ,

for all the dudes in the room


I’ve spent a lot of time on this blog addressing the ladies. I felt like I owed one to all you fellas out there, specifically you single guys.

I don’t claim to be an expert on men. I mean, I am a lady so I really know very little about the mind of a guy. BUT I do know (somewhat) about the mind of women (because, again, I am one), so I want to take some time to express some things on behalf of my gender.

You don’t have to be perfect.

I think us ladies put a lot of pressure on you to be the perfect guy: muscular, rollin in the cash, spotless past, etc. I’m sorry for that. I appreciate your desire to be healthy and financially stable, but I know it’s not fair of me to put perfection upon you. Like you, I too am a sinful person that has been forgiven and covered by the blood of a perfect Savior. In my opinion, it’s pretty attractive that you recognize and admit your need for Jesus. Know that there is freedom from your imperfection and it’s okay to admit you don’t have it all together.

Please do your best to honor me, and I’ll do my best to honor you.

When I say “honor me” I don’t necessarily mean open every single door I need to walk through and bow as I enter a room. Although, if you do that, I’ll be extremely impressed. Well…for a little while…then I might just think it’s weird or that you’ve time traveled from 17th century England. I digress.

When I ask you to honor me, I’m asking you to treat me like you would your sister. I’m asking you to know that my heart is fragile and there’s a lot of pressure on me to “find a man” so leading me on is not okay. Making me feel like I’m the only girl in the world, as Rihanna would lead you to think I want to feel, is not awesome if I don’t have a ring on my finger. Until I am the only girl in the world for you, please help me guard my emotions by being upfront with me, making sure that we’re on the same page with things, and treating me as sister in Christ. That would be pretty legit.

And in return I’ll do my best to not read in to every single word you say or thing you do, whether good or bad. I’ll try to not turn that small thing you said in passing into a marriage proposal, and if you don’t text me back within .2 seconds I’ll do my best to not freak out and assume you hate me. (Cause us girls have a tendency to do things like that sometimes…and I’m sorry for that)

Know that it’s okay for you to be single too.

Just as there’s pressure on the ladies to find a dude and get hitched, I think there’s pressure on you guys as well to find a good woman. If Christ should be my first love, He should be yours as well. As I would tell any female out there listening, I’m going to tell you: don’t go to Jesus to get to marriage. Go to Jesus to get to Jesus and allow Him to fill all of the space you’re trying to fill with other junk. Let Him satisfy the deepest parts of your soul. Let Christ be your all in all.

I realize this is probably just the beginning of a much larger conversation. If that’s the case, let’s get a bunch of us together and talk about it! I really don’t think I’m asking for much here, but I do know that what I’m asking for takes a little bit of work. I don’t expect an overnight change either. I’m just asking that you let Jesus guide your singleness as well.

*to see what I hope you don’t run into on a cruise ship someday, click here!

Tagged , ,

Cliches: Part 1


By day I work as an administrative assistant.
By night I fight crime as Kaptain Kayla using the superpower of lulling people to sleep with random history facts. I digress.

My day job requires lots of tasks and details and getting things right. I spend a lot of time making sure that money adds up, dates are correct, formatting on documents line up, etc. It’s captivating stuff, really.

My point is, I know how to get things right. They may not be right the first time, but they get there. I can get the job done. I can do what needs to be done for the project to be completed and satisfactory.

I cannot, however, get myself right.

One of my least favorite cliches that seems to be used most often is: Just use this season of life to get yourself right before the Lord, then He’ll bring the right man along.

Pump the brakes please.

There’s just so much with this one I can barely handle it.

First of all, it’s implying that the only “good” that can come from a season of singleness is that I’ll end up with a man.

Secondly, it’s implying that I have to do something to “get right” with Jesus. I don’t know about your Bible, but mine says things like, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9) I cannot do anything to get right with Jesus. It is a gift of grace. And that’s a GOOD thing. Because if it were up to me I’d fail miserably. First road block and I’d duck out. I’m reliable like that.

THIRDLY, it’s implying that the point of my life is to earn some holy brownie points with God so that He will give me a husband, making the goal of my life marriage. I know I’ve talked about this before, but it’s still a lesson I need to preach to myself constantly! The goal of my life is to become more like Jesus and glorify God in all I do.

I’ve been the #1 offender when it comes to giving the “advise” given above. Raise your hand if Kayla has ever said, “Use this time to get right with Jesus so He’ll bring the right man to your doorstep!” *every hand in the room is probably raised*

I’m not saying that a season of singleness shouldn’t be used to deepen your relationship with Christ because it should be. But let’s not confuse a desire to deepen our relationship with Christ for the sake of Christ, with the desire to manipulate our way in to a husband.

Seek Jesus for Jesus.

And remind me I give bad advise if I ever say that phrase to you again.

Question: What’s a cliche you’ve heard or said to someone else that might not be the greatest advise ever?

(To see the full Kristen Wiig sketch, click here!)

Tagged , , , ,