Tag Archives: Single

graphs on twitter

Scrolling Twitter is one of my guilty pleasures. Except I don’t really feel that guilty about it. I find it to be the place where I am my truest internet self. It’s also a fun way to connect with people and find out fun new information from sources you get to curate yourself – not sources you feel obligated to follow/friend because they were your VBS teacher in 3rd grade. Hypothetically speaking.

Last week during a scrolling sesh, I came across a very colorful graph with some commentary by the son of one of my favorite humans IRL. Here’s the image:

And the commentary quoted along with it: “If this data is true, the Church needs to do a much, MUCH better job loving/encouraging/walking alongside single and unmarried young adults.”

(Side note: everyone should follow @CalebABobo on Twitter. His only flaw is that he’s a Patriots fan.)

And he’s not wrong. Take an actual look at those numbers. This data (to my knowledge – and I did not work very hard to verify that) has nothing to do with Christians. It has everything to do with marital status. Across the board, men and women that are non-married are sad, dissatisfied, and are drinking a lot. **she types as she puts her glass down on a coaster…**

And according to these numbers, women aren’t blowing the men out of the water on this. This is not a “women are just too eager to get married and put too much weight on that institution” situation. We are all struggling with not being married. Even those that are living with their partner are still sad, dissatisfied, and are drinking a lot.

So, where does the Church come in? Why would Caleb say such a thing? And why would I get so fired up and only be able to reply tweet with: “I have so many thoughts to say about this, but I think it would require a longer format and a beer. Which kind of proves the point.”

Because my guess is that these numbers wouldn’t be that different if all adults surveyed also said they were followers of Jesus.

If you go back to the start of this blog – all the way back to the dark ages of 2014 – you will see that it started as a way for me to offer some new conversations around singleness in the Church. I got (and still get) so fed up with churches and Christians making the point of everyone’s life to be married. It grieves my heart that so many ‘fringe people’ (those that don’t really know me) can only have a conversation about my dating life, or what it’s like to be single in my 30s (CAUSE I’M A UNICORN APPARENTLY).

Marriage = value. Perceived and projected.

And when we’re not married, we get forgotten about.

Sermons aren’t preached with us in mind.
Dinners aren’t hosted with us in mind.
Bible studies aren’t written with us in mind.
Summer vacations aren’t planned with bringing us along in mind.

So, instead of burdening others with our “neediness” we stay home. We subscribe to Netflix, Hulu, HBOMax, AND Disney+. We have 6 different types of alcohol at our disposal at all times cause, well, it’s a hobby and it tastes good, and it’s really not a problem, promise.

And no one knows because we’re alone.
And no one knows because they don’t ask.
And no one knows because they don’t show up.

So what’s a Church to do?!

Don’t forget about us.

I often forget that I am, actually, a bit of a unicorn. I write emails to elders reminding them to teach about singleness just as much as they teach about marriage. I co-lead a small group at my church and have a lot of things to say about being the family of God, not just a group of ‘individual’ families. I have soul-friends that I weep with because I am just so sad, and they weep along with me.

From my experience, loving/encouraging/walking alongside single and unmarried young adults is not hard. You just have to show up and remind them that they bring just as much to the table as any other image bearer of God in your circle does.

And if you’re a single/unmarried young adult, put yourself in other people’s way. YOU show up too!

There’s no formula to apply that will take these stats in a healthy direction, but there is a slow, steady, faithful process that we can all enter in to, that would hopefully, by God’s grace cause an upward turn – see God in others and show up.

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a major benefit of being single

I don’t have lover’s quarrels in the middle of a busy Starbucks on a Friday afternoon.


The one that’s currently going on behind me is not pleasant.

Also, I haven’t written anything all summer and I miss it. Be on the look out for new and exciting content SOON!! (It’ll at least be new. I hope it’s exciting.)


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singles holiday guide: part 2 (for the unsingles)


First of all, I used the term “unsingles” in the title because I’m referred to as unmarried. And also, that’s incorrect. If anything I’m non-married or just single. I wasn’t married and then it became “un.” Non. Or just single. Not un.

Glad we cleared that up.

Now, this holiday guide is for all of you that are unsingle – married, dating, etc. It’s highly likely that you will interact with a single person during this holiday season, and I want to help you get through it.

  • If you ask us about how our life is going and we don’t mention a boyfriend, don’t press us on it.
    If we just tell you that work is great, our friends are awesome, we managed to vacuum our apartment twice in the past 4 months, and that’s it, then let it be. Don’t continue to ask vague questions, trying to manipulate us into saying, “Nope. Still single. No prospects. Kthanksbye.”
  • When I’m holding a small child/baby, don’t ask me if I have the fever.
    I’m acutely aware that I don’t have a child right now, and won’t have one for at least the next 10-11 months [take a minute to let that joke land…]
    The only fever I probably have in that moment is probably from the meat sweats and the delicious Christmas feast I just consumed. Wanting a baby isn’t going to get me married any quicker.
  • Please don’t ask me if I have anyone to spend Christmas with.
    Sometimes, when us singles go to Christmas parties, the easy small-talk question is, “So, do you have anyone to spend Christmas with?” or “Well if you’re not married or dating anyone, then what do you do for Christmas?!”
    I have a family – an awesome family, for that matter – that gathers every year to celebrate God dwelling with man, tell wonderful stories of Christmases long, long ago, and eat until we have to crawl to our bedrooms to put sweatpants on. I have a life beyond my marital status. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR CHRISTMAS?!
  • Know that if you do come at me with all of the above, it’ll be okay.
    I realize the last 2 weeks have shown off some of my sassy side, but know that God is bigger than my sassiness. He’s also bigger than the words we use with one another. And He’s bigger than well meaning intentions that really hurt some people deep down in their hearts. I know when you ask about my dating life, you’re not meaning to push on a soft spot in my heart. I know that relationships are an easy talking point. So please know that I’ll give you grace – I may roll my eyes, or snap back with some sarcastic comment initially – but I’ll get over myself and extend grace, hoping you’ll do the same (see: eye roll & sarcastic comment).

Most importantly, when we run in to each other during this Christmas season, let’s just celebrate Jesus. Let’s remind each other that the Creator of all things saw value in us, so much so that He sent His Son to die on our behalf and save us from our sins.

Now go watch this really funny black & white sketch.

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singles holiday guide: part 1


With the holidays upon us and singles everywhere (somewhat) dreading going home to the same ole set of questions about their love lives, I thought it would be appropriate to address some questions that might pop up over the next few weeks. If you want to shut down any conversational advance from a pesky rando at family dinner, use the following responses:

Family Member: “So I guess your New Years resolution of getting a boyfriend didn’t work out.”
Response: “No, it did, but I broke up with him about 15 minutes in because all he could talk about was legos.”

Family Member: “Well, at least you don’t have to spend money on an extra person this year.”
Response: “You’re right…I didn’t buy you anything.”

Family Member: “You can totally go to Grandma’s early to help start cooking since you don’t have a family to get ready, right?”
Response: “Nah, but I WILL go to Grandma’s early to suck up and get all the good pieces of bacon before you suckers show up.”

Family Member: “Any prospects in your life yet?”
Response: “If by prospects you mean good movies to go see? Then, yes.”

Family Member: “Do you think you’ll ever get married?”
Response: “If it means I have to start asking for toasters, quilts, and light bulbs for Christmas, then NO THANK YOU.”

Okay, so those aren’t the most gracious responses, and I wouldn’t recommend saying them unless you have a pretty sarcastic family. However, I do feel for those of you that are inundated with questions about your single life from those closest to you.

It’s hard to be around people who only see your identity as single or married. Or divorced. Or childless. Or [fill in the blank].

Your relationship status is not who you are. Your value and worth come from Jesus alone! This season is to be lived in celebration of the God Man coming to earth to save us.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. (Luke 2:11)

Remember that this holiday season as friends get engaged, weddings are attended, and well-meaning family members say some hurtful things. Remember that a Savior was born for you and me. And nothing outside of that truth really matters.

*at least Amy, Kristen, & Maya have a boyfriend this holiday season…

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