Tag Archives: wholeness

what the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise has taught me: part 1

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First of all, I included all three of these shows because I watch (or have watched) all of them. I wouldn’t put myself on the “obsessed” level yet, but I’m definitely above “just curious about what’s going on” or “staying culturally relevant.” For example, the first thing I did today when I had some free time after work was catch up on “Bachelor in Paradise” and that’s probably what I’ll do tomorrow because it’s a two-episode week y’all!!

As I was catching up on the show this week, I couldn’t help but feel this uneasy pit in my stomach. I started to feel kinda bad for those involved in the show. I was sad for every single female that ends up in one of those “confessional” moments and says something similar to, “I just want someone to fight for me,” or, “I guess I’m just not good enough.”

Today, those confessions just stopped me in my tracks. I realized lots of things that I’d like to cover in the coming weeks, but we’ll start with this:

Insecurity exists everywhere.

Everywhere.

If there’s one thing I’ve picked up on with the Bachelor franchise, it’s that they really like beautiful people. Every person on every episode is beautiful. And every one of them, at some point or another, doubts themselves. They feel inadequate. They feel as if they are missing something.

It reminds me of the time when Adam and Eve were walking with God in the garden. The Lord had brought them together in perfect harmony and the Bible says that they were “naked and were not ashamed.” Then, they rebelled, went their own way, and did the one thing God told them not to do. The first thing that happens after that bite is that they realized they were naked. And they were ashamed of their nakedness. So ashamed they hid from God.

One of the most compassionate statements in the Bible, in my opionion, is in Genesis 3:11. God asks them, “Who told you that you were naked?”

Who spoke that in to your life? Who told you that you were anything other than beloved?

That’s what I want to ask the contestants on the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise.

Who told you that you were naked? Who told you that you weren’t enough? Who hurt you so deeply that you feel unworthy?

Then I want to tell them about the greatest love of all that can heal all wounds. I want to tell them about Jesus. I want them to feel whole.

We all feel that, don’t we? We all feel inadequate.
We all want to feel whole.
Praise God that Jesus makes us just that. Whole. Complete. Beautiful. Beloved. Wanted. Redeemed.

Enough.

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the 1-upper

Misery loves company.

In my experience, misery loves being the most miserable too.

If I could pick one question or topic that makes me giggle the most it is probably that singleness is “hard.” People will say things like, “being single must be so hard for you!” Or, “I can’t imagine being a single person today. You’re so strong.” Or, “how do you manage?!”

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A couple things here: 1) Being single is not hard. It may be annoying or inconvenient when I don’t want to go grocery shopping, but it isn’t hard. Hard is battling cancer, dealing with unemployment, or having your husband get hit by a car and break an ankle within a year of each other. 2) I usually give in to the question and make my life seem as difficult to the outsider as possible.

Remember when I said misery loves being the most miserable? When people ask about how difficult a certain season in life may be, I sometimes tend to play into the misery. I try to 1-up the miserableness.
“Man, singleness must be so difficult.”
“Oh, it is, plus, I can’t have a cat in my apartment.”
“Dang! Well, we can’t have cats either because of allergies.”
“Oh, you have allergies? Well I have chronic bronchitis and can’t breathe for an entire month out of every year, and I’m not married, so…”*

See where I’m going?

There have even been times when I’ve completely flipped the conversation to be all about me and my un-married life. A friend may be talking about how hard ministry is for her and I’ll chime in with, “yeah, I hear you. By the way, did I mention I’m still not dating?”

I think some of us (myself included when I don’t check myself…) want to be the most miserable. We want people to pity us. We want to play up our issues like our problems are way bigger than they are.

Why do we do this? Why do we allow discontentment to be the focus of our lives rather than rejoicing in what God has done and continues to do?

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t recognize or mourn hardships in our life. There is a time for that. But, as Paul writes in the verse above, we shouldn’t think or dwell on these things. We should rejoice in the truth that the Creator of all has made us new creatures, redeemed and brought back in to right relationship with Him.

Being single can sometimes be hard, especially when I make it my ultimate hope. Being single can be tough when everyone around you is getting married and having babies. Being single isn’t hard when I look to Jesus and think about the fact that He washed away my sins.

My challenge is that I’ll quit being the 1-upper. That I’ll let the Holy Spirit invade my life in such a way that others will see that my life is full of joy because of Him.

*side note: these are hypothetical conversations, but if I have actually had them with you, I’m sorry.

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