Aug 30 2015
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the marriage of discipline & trust

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I’ve struggled in keeping up with this whole blogging thing this summer. Truth is, I haven’t struggled in blogging. I’ve struggled in discipline. I always have.

I grew up as a disciplined athlete, but every other area of my life way always in disarray. When I stopped playing sports, then I really lost all sense of discipline. I’m just not the greatest at being a self-disciplined person, no matter how much I want to be.

And the reason for that is that I’m really good at talking myself out of it. I’m probably the best person to convince myself that I can put certain things off. I can make myself believe so easily that I’ve earned a night off. “It can wait until next week. I deserve to nap instead” has been the motto of my summer when it comes to this blog.

And you know what I’ve also lacked in this summer? Trust.

In my lack of discipline in searching God in my single life, I have lacked in trust that God cares about my single life.

This blog has not only been a way for me to write out some (hopefully) helpful commentary on my experiences within the church as a single person, but it has also been a tool for me to really seek the Lord – intentionally and specifically in the area of relationships.

I’ve come to find that discipline and trust are married. And that they work really well together. And that when one is off running around, not being faithful to their union, the other one just kinda floats around with nowhere to land.

And I’ve also learned that when they are both filling their proper roles – and when I’m actively engaging in both – they form a really great union. (Marriage type union…not construction workers union…)

When I am disciplined in seeking God – through prayer, study of Scripture, meditation on His Word – I can trust Him more fully. And when I trust Him more fully, the discipline of seeking Him becomes a pure joy in my life. Which leads to more trust. Which leads to more discipline…

See what I mean?

But when I’m not seeking Him, I’m not trusting Him. Which leads me to not seek Him. Which leads to less trust…

You get it. You’re a smart person.

So, here’s to discipline. And grace. And a Redeemer that loves even me – the undisciplined sinner that I am. And here’s to trusting that God is God, and God is good, even when I don’t blog for 3 months or so.

*watch Sue’s engagement surprise here!

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Aug 14 2015
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a major benefit of being single

I don’t have lover’s quarrels in the middle of a busy Starbucks on a Friday afternoon.

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The one that’s currently going on behind me is not pleasant.

Also, I haven’t written anything all summer and I miss it. Be on the look out for new and exciting content SOON!! (It’ll at least be new. I hope it’s exciting.)

Kthanksbye.

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Jun 15 2015
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Identity

quick fix

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First of all, welcome back Cotter…I mean…Kayla. This is a weird early morning Monday edition because I’m on vacation and actually have the time to write.

Secondly, I’m in Arizona and sweating just sitting inside this coffee shop. It’s hot here.

Okay.

I’ve had many conversations lately around the premise of “this will fix that.”

“If I get through this week, then I’ll be on vacation and will finally be able to slow down…”
“If I get this job, then I’ll make more money…”
“If I do this one thing right, then…”
“If I get married, then I’ll be happy…”
“If I get married, then we’ll have 2 incomes and finally be able to afford…”

YOU GET THE PICTURE. (Sorry for screen-yelling at you.)

The problem with all of this is that it never works. All of the above scenarios, and what ever ones you were thinking in your own head, require me to be better, to work harder, to do something that fixes an issue. Yet, behind all of these issues are insecurities, pride, distrust….sin. They miss Christ.

God is continually reminding me that my life is already redeemed. Not only do I not have to work for His goodness, I can’t work for His goodness. He has already given it to me, with no strings attached!

In him (Jesus) we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight (Ephesians 1:7-8)

Also, Jesus doesn’t fix me. Jesus heals me. Makes me whole, more human.

Jesus isn’t in the business of fixing people. He’s in the business of making them completely new.

And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of the flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. (Colossians 2:13-14)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

The Bible doesn’t say that Jesus died so that I could be a better person, or live a happier life, or get married. Jesus lived a perfect life, died the death that I deserve, was buried, and rose again on the third day so that I can be redeemed and made alive in Him. That’s it. That’s the point.

Marriage won’t fix me. Jesus doesn’t even fix me. Jesus makes me whole and new. And that is enough.

*get quirk with Bjork, Zooey Deschanel, and Mary Kate Olsen here! 

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May 13 2015
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Contentment

misplaced contentment

surprise sue

Warning: this blog will not fix your contentment issues.

The following is an actual conversation that actually occurred between actual people. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy.

“I think I’m going to get my tragus pierced this weekend.” – Krayla

“Isn’t that kinda dangerous? Just go skydiving instead.” – Whitley

“….I think I’m just bored…” – Krayla

“Mmmhhmmm…contentment.” – Whitley

Fine, I’ll confess. Krayla is really Kayla. It’s me. I was the one that wanted (wants) to get my ear pierced again. And I really think it is because I’m bored. I think it’ll look cool and people will think I’m pretty hardcore.

But really, deep down, I truly do have a contentment issue. My friend is right – I’m not content with my life so I want to change it. I talk about tattoos, or piercings, or a new coat/shoes, a different (insert thing here).

I often think I’m just stuck in a rut of some sorts, so I need to do something exciting to amp up my life. I miss contentment in Christ and work to fill it with new, shinier things.

And, quite honestly, I think the church (at large) has done a poor job at helping singles (men & women) figure out what contentment in Christ really looks like.

Side note: I also think contentment in Christ is an issue that married people struggle with as well, but since I’m not married I cannot speak to that.

I often find myself living this life of singleness, treating it as if it is only a season. I want to pass through it as quickly as possible and get the golden goose egg of marriage delivered on my front door PRONTO!

I become discontent with my life – thinking that God is holding out on me, or doesn’t really want me to experience true joy – because I still file my taxes under a single status.

I misplace my joy in guys, and am never satisfied. I rely on my relationship status for contentment, and am always left disappointed. I lean in hard to the perception that marriage will ultimately fulfill me and give me worth, and when that wall crumbles I’m left face first on the ground.

And I say the church at large has done a poor job in helping me (and others) figure this sin issue out because that’s the realm we play in to. We place marriage on this really high pedestal and leave those of us that can’t climb up that high out. When couples have babies, we promote them to sainthood – especially if they make the ‘right’ choices regarding feeding & waste disposal.

What we don’t do a good job at is teaching and encouraging one another to rely on Jesus regardless of season or status. We don’t do a good job at listening to Paul and trust that we too can experience this truth deeply when he says, “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” (Philippians 4:11)

I don’t have any answers, or really any good input when it comes to living a content life. I’ve obviously got a lot to learn in this area. But I do have a challenge: I’m going to stop referring to my singleness as a season to just pass through, I’m going to stop relying on the next best thing to satisfy me, and I’m going to continue to run, hard, to Jesus when I starting thinking about getting my ear pierced again.

But maybe I will get my ear pierced. Who knows.

**watch Sue get really amped up here**

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May 02 2015
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Identity

Ebenezer (not Scrooge)

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Kind of a weird title for a blog that is being published at the beginning of May instead of December, right?

That was the best line I could come up with for the intro. First words are usually the hardest.

Now that we’ve broken the ice I can get to it.

Ebenezer’s have been popping up a lot in my life lately. Which is actually a fairly accurate statement because an Ebenezer is a stone that was raised by Samuel to commemorate victory over the Philistine army. It is a place of remembrance. History AND relevance! #FTW!

I’ve been trying to remember God more intentionally, which sounds like a pretty strange concept, but stick with me.

In the book “Cupid is a Procrastinator” (yes, there is a book by that title and yes, I am reading it. It’s really good so talk to me about it before you judge me OR the book), the author writes:

Samuel set up a stone memorial in that place and said, “Thus far, the Lord has helped us” (1 Samuel 7:12). He set it up as a way to pause and say, “God, we have been through a lot, but you have always been faithful. You have helped us before, and you will keep on helping us. Thank you for what you’ve done so far, and thank you for what you will keep on doing.”

It is easy for me to forget about God’s faithfulness and steadfast love that He has shown over and over in my life. A couple of weeks ago I had a major breakdown in my friend’s kitchen because I was convinced that nothing good would ever happen in my life – that I was in ultimate emotional despair.

Have I ever mentioned that I can be a bit dramatic?

I was convinced of that because I forgot God. I forgot about His promise to me to pour out joy, peace, love, kindness, redemption, grace, mercy, etc. continuously.

I forgot that He has shown up in my darkest places before. That He saw me at my weakest and drew me into Himself to comfort and rescue me.

I forgot that God is for me – that he leads and guides me for His name’s sake (Psalm 31:3).

I forgot that my value and worth are directly affected by me being an image bearer of God – that nothing can take that from me, and nothing can shake that truth.

So, I want to remember God. I want to be intentional about reminding myself of His promises in Scripture, of His provision in relationships, and I deeply want to remind myself of moments in my life where He has clearly helped me, just as He did with Samuel & the Israelites.

I want to be a walking Ebenezer – remembering always the goodness of God and His ever-helping grace.

How has God worked in your life & how do you remember His faithfulness to you?

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