Dec 09 2015
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Identity

pass on over, please

snl_1659_09_Update_VANESSA

One of my favorite things about the internet is that there is a never ending supply of stuff.

Just stuff, in general.

This week I opened my computer with the intention looking up a recipe and I ended up watching youtube videos of Tina Fey.

Stuff.

OR I have an issue with staying focused.

Who knows.

But seriously, that stuff can end up being really good stuff. Take, for instance, all of the amazing resources we have to learn and grow in our knowledge of God and His Word.

One of my favorite websites for this specific purpose is SheReadsTruth. I love the reading plans they come up with and the commentary they have on each passage read together.

Currently, SheReadsTruth is going through an Advent reading. Today’s reading was on Jesus being the True & Better Passover Lamb.

If you have not heard/read the story of the Passover, I HIGHLY encourage you to read Exodus 12 and get yourself familiar.

The first passover occurred when God commanded His people in Egypt to sacrifice a lamb,  spread it’s blood over their doors, and God passed over them, sparing them from death in their household.

Jesus is the True & Better Passover Lamb because His blood has made the final, once and for all, atonement for our sins. We are seen as righteous because of Christ’s sacrifice on our behalf.

Blows. My. Mind. Every time.

In reading through the devotional material on SheReadsTruth, I came to this:

More often than not, I live under the weight of my own sin, as if Christ’s sacrifice isn’t enough to cover my own transgressions. I look around frantically for solutions to fix what I have broken, but overcorrecting only leads me to legalism – the opposite of freedom in Christ.

“Overcorrecting only leads me to legalism…”

Man. Yep. Ditto, sister.

Jesus is True and Better and Final and Forever. I can do no more and no less to earn His love or His redemption. It simply is.

I fail. I sin. I rebel against an Almighty God.

But I cannot dig myself out of that. I cannot correct my own ways. And trying to only leads to self-reliance and a belief that Jesus isn’t good enough. That somehow, His blood shed upon a cross just won’t cut it for me.

I may say I believe with my mouth, but my actions are speaking something totally different.

I want the freedom only Christ provides. Because I know it is there that I am truly able to rest in true satisfaction and live with deep peace and joy that can never be shaken.

That is my prayer for us – that we would know Jesus is True & Better.

*see Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy explain Passover before you go read about it 

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Dec 02 2015
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Contentment

unquenchable thirst

SNL_1373_09_Mall

I’ve been sitting in my chair in this coffee shop for a solid ten minutes trying to figure out a clever line to open this blog with…

I was also eating a breakfast burrito, so I’m not that mad about it.

But for serious.

I often think that I have to be this quick-witted, funny person 24/7, and when I’m not I get a little insecure. When I don’t live up to the expectations I believe people place on me, I feel like a failure and I’m often concerned that people won’t want to be around me. Dramatic? Yes. Honest? Also, yes.

I thirst for approval. I long to be known. I desire deep satisfaction.

And I don’t think I’m the only one.

This past weekend I was reading John 4, the story of Jesus and the Woman of Samaria. This is a story I’ve heard 1.7 billion times (where my grew-up-in-the-church kids at?!), but I saw this bit of Scripture in a new light this time around.

Jesus approaches this woman who was the town outcast, had multiple husbands, and was such a social pariah she had to go draw water when no one else was around.

In reading this story I became empathetic toward the woman. She was searching for something.

Approval.
Being known.
Satisfaction.

She=me.

And what does Jesus say to her?

but whoever drinks of the water that I will give will never be thirsty again (John 4:14)

And the woman says, “Sir, give me this water…”

I picture her, with her hands cupped, kneeling next to Jesus, begging for Him to give her a sip of the one thing she thinks will complete her, will fix her.

Now, I’m not sure she really got what he was saying. I’ll never know this side of heaven.

BUT, I do know that Jesus saw a woman thirsty for something only He can provide.

He sees me, thirsty and longing for something more, and offers the only thing that can truly, deeply, and fully satisfy.

He offers Himself.

He doesn’t make me draw from the well before He redeems me.

He redeems me, and my well runs even deeper.

I pray I am never over that truth. That there is a God who left His throne in heaven to dwell among His people in order to save them and place them back in to right relationship with Him…man…that’s a God I hope I never get over.

That’s a God I hope I never stop thirsting for.

 

*there’s no clever SNL skit about thirst (at least not one I want to put the effort in to finding right now), so instead, enjoy one of my all-time favorite Amy Poehler characters – Kaitlin!

Nov 24 2015
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Identity, Uncategorized

one direction (now a new one)

onedirection-separazione-2

So, my dear friends, it’s been almost 2 years.

TWO. YEARS.

I don’t know that I’ve been committed to anything other than coffee, queso, and softball for longer than 2 years!

Okay, maybe my family and friends. And pie. I’m definitely committed to pie.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.

I’ve stuck with this whole I’m-a-blogger thing for a long time. It started with realizing I had a voice – specifically a voice as a Christian female who also happens to be single. I realized that I had something to say about the way the Church interacted with “my kind.” (Using that phrase probably goes against everything I’ve said for the past 2 years…whatever…)

I was also struggling with that reality. That I was (am) single. That my life plan hadn’t quite played out the way I thought it would.

So I wrote about it. I wrote about my struggles and my triumphs. My interactions with others who try to navigate life differently than their family/friends/church crew expect them to.

And cool things started to happen. I started to see God show up in my life in ways that I didn’t expect. I began to see Him fill holes I forgot were there, because I was letting Him in.

I’ve been on this metaphorical journey for almost 2 years and I feel like it’s time to go on a new one.

I’ve become “Kayla, the Single Blogger” (I just gave myself that name, by the way…)

I don’t want to be known for singleness, I want to be known for Jesus.

So, here we are. Taking this thing in a new direction.

This doesn’t mean that I’ll never write about singleness again, because that is still part of my reality.

But instead I want to write about Jesus. I want to write about what He is doing in my life, in the lives of my family & friends, and how He is transforming hearts for His name’s sake.

I want to become Christ-like, not Kayla-like. I want Matthew 5:16 to be true of me:

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

I hope you’ll stick around, because I think really cool things are about to start happening again.

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Nov 19 2015
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Uncategorized

all my GWOC ladies

dancers

I’m 99.9999% sure I wrote this same sentence last year, but my all time favorite weekend of the year (outside of Christmas and my birthday) is FCA’s annual Girls Weekend of Champions. Us ladies get to gather together to sweat, laugh, cry, and learn about Jesus with one another. This year we had 144 (!!!!!!!!) student-athletes from all across the Greater St. Louis area join together for camp. It was, in short, the KEWLEST!

As a staff member for FCA, one of my camp follow up duties is to go over the evaluations that campers fill out (campers: aren’t you glad you didn’t write that Kayla was a big weirdo?)

On overwhelming amount of girls wrote about the impact Christ has had on their lives through the camp. I LOVE, LOVE getting to read those comments. Those notes that say, “I gave my life to Jesus for the first time at this camp,” or, “I had no idea what it looked like to play my sport to the glory of God and now I do!”

They fill my heart.

But, ladies, there’s something we need to follow up on.

You need to know that you do not have to work harder for the sake of Jesus.

So many wrote, “I just need to do better.” or, “I’m going to try harder to be a better Christian.”

I get it. I really do. As an athlete, recovering perfectionist, people-pleaser, etc. I get it.

It doesn’t make sense that we have a God that just asks us to be. To be still and know that HE is GOD. He doesn’t ask us to work really hard so that we can be better. He asks us to know that Jesus paid the price for our sins so that we don’t have to work. If God’s pleasure in my perfection were left up to me…man…I’d be a hot mess!

If there’s one thing I push back against the most, it’s the desire to be better so that God will love me more, accept me more, pour out more blessings upon me.

Hebrews 7 says that Jesus is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through Him and that He has no need to offer sacrifices daily since He did this once for all when he offered up Himself.

It doesn’t say that God only saves us partially based on Christ’s sacrifice and then the rest is provided by our works.

He doesn’t say that there is a need for longer quiet times, more Bible study groups to be a part of, better coffee to drink during your journaling time (although I do think I’m closer to God depending on how good the bean in my cup is…another time, Kayla…another time…).

Scripture says that Christ saved us to the uttermost once and for all by His sacrifice on the cross.

So, ladies (and gentlemen I guess, if you’re a guy and reading this…), stop trying to work harder for God’s love. Just be with Him for the sake of being with Him.

Know that you are loved and valued beyond comprehension simply because God says so.

Rest in that tonight, this week, this year. And let’s chat about it at Girls Weekend 2016 🙂

*also, check out The Dancers here to prepare for more epic FCA dance parties

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Nov 11 2015
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a hard crash/bang

toonces

This past weekend I had the privilege of being with 180 other women at my favorite camp – Girls Weekend of Champions. It’s just a bunch of us ladies hanging out, playing sports, and dancing the days away. AND talking about Jesus and His goodness. I love this camp. I love that I get to see young ladies come to know Christ and grow in their relationship with Him. I love that I get to see God on display through those I serve alongside and I’m continuously amazed that He would choose to use even me for the betterment of His Kingdom. I walked away on Sunday evening feeling on top of the world – knowing that God had done a great and mighty work.

Then Tuesday happened.

Monday was good because I got to sleep past 5:45am.

Tuesday rolled around and I was so tired and beat up, I could barely figure out which hand was the one I was supposed to write with. And I’m not even ambidextrous.

I felt so attacked by the enemy and just had a heavy heart. I was sad about weird things and kept trying to dig myself out of this strange pit.

I think the enemy likes to try to get me like that. I think that after my good days, he likes to remind me that I’m alone, that I really don’t have value, that I’m unlovable, that I’m not worthy.

And I believe him.

After spending a weekend with young ladies reminding them that THEY have value and are loved by the Most High God, I let the father of lies in to my head and believe the crap he tells me.

My heart is so fickle and I’m so easily swayed from the Truth.

Thankfully, I had enough sense to open up God’s Word (let’s be honest, I didn’t feel like it but knew I needed to…I’m not that great of a Christian). What I came to reminded me that God alone speaks Truth over me:

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. (Psalm 62:5-8)

As my new friend would say, satan can suck it. God alone gets to tell me who I am. He only is my rock – I shall not be shaken. No amount of singleness, marriage, children, or even cheese (my true love) can affect my stance with my Father. I am His and He is mine.

Sometimes we can fall pretty hard, pretty fast, but I’m so thankful for a Good Father that kindly draws me back in and reminds me that He is good always.

*to watch Toonces the Cat drive a car, click here!

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