Category Archives: Relationships

Mar 19 2014
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Relationships

Using God to get the Guy

This is a story of how I used God to get the guy. Or at least, how I kept telling myself I was doing certain things to grow in my relationship with Christ, but really I was just doing things that were spiritual to get a guy’s attention.

And also how it’s not that great of an idea to do such things.

I am not a morning person. When I was in high school, during the summertime especially, my mom would get mad at me because I would sleep until noon. That’s how much I don’t like mornings…I didn’t even want to be awake during them.

However, you throw a guy I like in to the mix, I wake up before the alarm goes off. Every time.

A few years ago this guy I liked was in a Bible study that met at 6am once a week, so it became my mission to really grow in my faith by attending this Bible study. And when I say “grow in my faith” I really mean, “get up super early, look as put together as possible, go to this Bible study for a hour so homeboy sees me really loving Jesus, drink as much coffee as possible to be as alert as possible for the time we’re all together, then go back to my dorm and go back to sleep before class starts 3 hours later.”

Not only would I go to this study, I would basically do anything “spiritual” that I could to get on his holy radar: tweet Bible verses, join other studies and make sure I plastered it all over social media, get in to deep conversations to show how in tune with the Spirit I was.

I may not be the greatest person.

But that’s how my mind worked. I thought that if I put myself out there and flaunted my faith in front of this guy, he would fall for me and we would live happily ever after.

Que the game show sound effects: “WWWHHAAAWWAAAAAA”

My master plan didn’t work quite like I thought it would. My heart became more invested in this man than it did in Christ during that season.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the only one that works like this. I think we can use our relationship with God to try to manipulate our way in to lots of things: friendships, relationships, certain social groups. And maybe it’s not even an overt thing…maybe we don’t even recognize that we are pursuing other things through God.

The point of sharing this short story of The Life & Times of Kayla Smith (more commonly known as the blockbuster hit, “Frozen”**) , is that we need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves.

The point of going to God is to get God. The point of following Jesus is not so I can have all these other things added to my life.

This concept has been talked about a lot in the Christian circles lately in other blogs, books, podcasts, etc., but I still need it to be beaten in to my head constantly.

I can’t live my life using God to get other things. I need to live my life just going to God for the sake of God. That’s it.

A verse I shared last week is applicable again tonight: “Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.”-Psalm 73: 25

This is my prayer this week for us all, that our eyes would not be focused on all the “extras” but on God alone.

**kidding about the “Frozen” thing…but wouldn’t that be AWESOME?!

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Mar 05 2014
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Relationships

chasing the carrot

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The above picture is courtesy of the internets. It’s amazing what you can find via a search engine.

This picture also represents how I occasionally feel.

Sometimes I get it into my head that God is dangling this carrot out in front of me and if I only try harder then He’ll finally reward me with that strange, orange vegetable.

Replace “carrot” with “marriage.” Or “kids.” Or “job.”

See where this is going?

Am I the only one that sometimes feels like God is holding out on me? That if I could only check more things off my list, get up earlier every day, read my Bible for 3 straight hours, etc., then God will give me what He’s dangling out in front of me?

I often tell myself if I would only get my self together and prepare my heart/mind to be a good wife, then and only then will God bring my man along.

The problem with my thinking is that He isn’t dangling ANYTHING in front of me. He has given me Himself. He has given me redemption through the blood of His Son. And He isn’t holding anything back from me “just because.”

My parents got us a pool when I was younger, back in the day when my sister was still shorter than me. I remember when she and I would go swimming together and she would want me to hold her in the pool. I, being the super cool and funny trickster I am, would say, “okay, just swim to me.”

And as she would I would slowly inch back farther and farther from her, trying to make it seem as if she was never going to reach me.

I may not have been the nicest older sister.

If the story were God as me (which I am NOT…it’s for illustration purposes ONLY…don’t get mad), and me as my sister, God would have reached up on the deck, put me on His hip, and swam around that 24 foot circle of delight, holding me all day long.

God isn’t dangling a carrot for us to chase after. He isn’t swimming away when we’re trying to reach Him. He’s standing in the water with His arms open wide begging for us to trust Him and get in the water.

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

-Matthew 7:11

Nothing we could ever chase after will be as good as God Himself.

So let’s decide together to chase after Jesus, leave the carrot behind, and just jump in the water.

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Feb 19 2014
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Relationships

What Match.com Taught Me: Round Up

Welcome to the final installment of “What Match.com Taught Me” brought to you by Buffalo Wild Wings and Starbucks. Thank you, America.

As I reflect back on my stint of online dating (a whole woppin month!), I can’t help but be grateful for what God has taught me. I think the past three weeks I’ve spent some time bashing other people but haven’t really addressed my heart/idol factory in the matter.

You see, when I first joined the website that I was pretty sure was going to introduce me to my future husband, I did so with extremely selfish motives. I was throwing the pity-party of the year and decided to seek validation from a computer screen or those on the other side of it.

I decided to play god. And I failed.

All of those things I wrote about–insecurity, labeling, standards–are all things that I struggled with because I was “lonely.” My eyes were focused on me, not Christ.

And that’s what happens, isn’t it? We get caught up in the kingdom of me and lose sight of the kingdom of God. Oh how easy it can become to wallow in self-pity and insecurity and act like there is no way out.

But there is a way out and His name is Jesus.

Continue reading →

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Feb 12 2014
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Relationships

What Match.com Taught Me: Part 3

Standards of faith/a relationship with Jesus aren’t that big of a deal to most people.

Disclaimer: if you are a follower of Jesus and are in a relationship with someone who is not, my aim is not to offend you. My goal here is to tell my story and my viewpoint. If you don’t agree with me, that is okay. Chances are we can still have a civil conversation with one another and talk things out! I like to think I’m pretty easy to get along with!

Now, on to the fun stuff…

Last week I mentioned that I like to think of myself as a woman of standards. I think that there is a huge gap in our lives of what we label ourselves and how we live.

With that said, I also think there’s a huge gap in the standards we have set for ourselves when looking at someone as a potential spouse.

Over and over again I read profiles full of statements like, “I’m a Christian but it’s okay if you aren’t. It’s not that big of a deal.”

In fact, here are two descriptions straight from the horse’s mouth:

I go to church basically every Sunday. It’s really not much time a week, but gives me a chance to reflect, pray, and learn to try and become a better person. It’d be nice to find someone to share this faith with me also. I’m not asking you to believe exactly what I believe, just be with me.

Lutheran guy, born and raised. I can respect you and your beliefs as long as you respect mine. Details are details, but having faith towards an idea or belief is a good start in my book.

In other words (and yes, this is my interpretation), these guys don’t really care if their dream girl has a relationship with Christ. Is this okay? Is it enough to just go to church and “be with” someone while you’re there? Is a mutual faith that important in a relationship?

My answers: No. No. YES.

And here’s why:
If growing in Christ and towards Christ isn’t the goal of all of my actions, what’s the point? If I’m dating/married to someone that is not leading me toward Jesus, then it ends up being a self-serving relationship that does not bring glory to God. And as a Christian, the goal of my life is God’s glory.

Now, I must also add that I believe there is nothing that God can’t redeem. If you are dating/married to someone that doesn’t believe in Christ, it doesn’t mean that person is out of God’s reach or that you are in the wrong. God’s grace is bigger than any dumb blog post I could ever write (praise Jesus!!).

However, I still believe that we are lacking in standards in our relationships.

Maybe, just maybe, if I set a standard of faith that a guy must reach before I consider dating him, we’ll end up having a great friendship resulting in a marriage that brings God glory.

And, for the record, my standard is this: a guy needs to love Jesus more than he loves me, but love me enough to lead me toward Jesus and care about my relationship with Him.

Unrealstic? Nah. I don’t think so.
Because at the end of the day, as sinful people, if we don’t have Jesus to rely on individually, we really don’t have anything. I will fail you and you will fail me.

Also, it’d be great if my guy also loves hunting. And baseball. And bacon. Aaannnddd queso.

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Jan 29 2014
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Relationships

What Match.com Taught Me

Part 1: Insecurity

Disclaimer: Before I continue on, it needs to be noted that I know many people that have had success at online dating. My intent is NOT to bash online dating, make people feel insecure, etc. I’m simply going to share my story. If I offend you, please contact me and let’s talk it out!

So, I tried online dating. For a short period of time. And I was “unsuccessful.” I put that in quotes because I didn’t meet someone to pursue a relationship with; however, I did learn A LOT, so that part I think is a success. The first, and probably biggest, lesson I learned was about insecurity.

Online dating can be insecurity’s biggest friend if we let it be. (Also, English/Spelling people…I used that apostrophe on purpose. Back off.) I don’t know how it works with other online dating sights, but with match.com you are able to see who has viewed your profile, how many times your profile has been viewed, and for a small fee, if someone has read the email you’ve sent them. I was too cheap to pay the extra for the email notification, but the other info comes with the base package.

I would view a guy’s profile, wait a couple days, maybe send a wink, and if I saw he’d viewed mine, I’d get a little excited. Especially if he was wearing camo in any of his pictures.

More times than not, I never received a “like”, “wink”, or email from the 225 guys that looked at my digital personality.

At the onset of this venture, when the viewers were closer to 15, I started to question myself. At one point I even said to a friend, I’m just not sure that I’ll find anyone that is interested in someone like me (or a version of that statement). I had let the not-so-friendly voice of insecurity creep into my head and tell me I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t feminine enough, that a guy couldn’t possibly like a girl that enjoys softball and deer hunting.

I let a website tell me that how God had designed me was wrong.

Enter: Truth.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”-Psalm 139:13-14

Being a female that has grown up in the church, I’ve heard these verses quoted WWWAAAYYY too many times. I think it’s our go-to verse for girls, because let’s face it, we all struggle with self-confidence in some way or another.

The kicker for me is that, while I know this verse I don’t always believe it. If my soul truly knew this truth very well, I wouldn’t let a click on a profile bother me as much as it did. It should also be noted that my profile said something along the lines of, “if you don’t love Jesus, don’t bother.” That could have prevented a lot of further inquiry. More on that next week. 🙂

My prayer for us today, and this coming week, is that we will know it very well that God has created us to be exactly what we are supposed to be. That no man, woman, child, etc. will dictate our worth or rattle our identity in Christ.

Question: Has the world wide interwebs ever revealed insecurity in you?

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