Category Archives: Relationships

Sep 24 2014
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Relationships

“Who wants to go through life without some heartbreak?”

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I love the NBC show Chicago Fire. Mainly because I love Sophia Bush, so I love Chicago P.D., and you can’t watch P.D. without watching Fire.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up.

The season premier of Chicago Fire was last night and man, it was ggoooooodd. I cried approximately 7.2 times in 45 minutes of television.

One line in the episode stuck out to me in particular. While discussing her love life, one character (I won’t say who because I don’t want to spoil anything) says, “Who wants to go through life without some heartbreak?”

My first reaction was – ME! I DO!

But I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit, and I’ve come to this conclusion: heartbreak might be necessary.

My most desperate times have often been my deepest, most intimate times with the Lord. I’ve had my heart broken by a myriad of things: boys, friends, coaches, teammates, family, myself. And in every one of those seasons of heartbreak, God has revealed Himself to me in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

In the times when I can’t help but recognize my own helplessness and cry out to the Almighty, I’m blown away by His goodness and His deep care for me and my emotions.

I can call out with the Psalmists:

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? (Psalm 56:8)

But I call to God, and the LORD will save me. (Psalm 53:16)

Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour our your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. (Psalm 62:8)

See where I’m going with this?

You and I are not alone in our heartache. We have a God that loves us enough to meet us in our emotional mess, reach His hand out, and pull us up into His arms to love us out of the hurt.

I’d like to avoid heartbreak as much as possible. Mainly because I get headaches when I cry a lot, and headaches are not fun.

But if it takes heartbreak to drive my stubborn self into the arms of Jesus, then so be it.

*If you’d like to learn how to flirt from Rebecca Larue, click here!

*If you’d like to get hooked on Chicago Fire, click here!

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Sep 10 2014
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Relationships

what the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise taught me: part 3

 

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The organization I work for hosts a number of camps every year and each one is basically my favorite.

Except for the one that’s only for boys. It’s not my favorite.

Any who. During camp and post-camp, I often find myself talking to students that have attended or even friends/co-workers that experienced it with me, and saying over and over again: camp life is not real life.

It’s easy to go to camp, surrounded by tons of like-minded people, and get into the groove of life. For 3 days. Then BOOM – back home to a pile of laundry on your bed.

And I’ve come to find the same thing to be true with the Bachelor franchise.

Bachelor life is not real life.

Yet, we somehow treat it like it is.

I talked last week about us idolizing love, and how we are obsessed with finding our “true love.” Which brings me back to real life.

We look at celebrities, at ‘reality’ tv shows, at magazines, Instagram/Twitter/Facebook/Vine/Pinterest/SnapChat/(have I missed anything?) accounts, and think, “YUP, this is it. THIS is what’s real. This is what I need to strive for. That 6 week relationship that ended with a tv engagement…that’s what I’m missing.”

One problem: IT ISN’T REAL!

Sure, the people are real, but the situations aren’t. The problems aren’t. The reality isn’t.

Just this week, on the season finale of Bachelor in Paradise, every couple still left on the show said some version of: “yeah, paradise has been nice, but it’ll be hard entering back into the real world.”

Yet we, as the viewers/consumers, only desire to take in the edited version of a short period of life that is designed for television.

And that’s why it’s so easy to put love, and tv relationships, on a pedestal. We only see the “good stuff” and, if we’re not careful, we come to believe that our lives aren’t truly full. They aren’t good enough. They aren’t exciting.

We come to believe that we’re the ones not living in real life.

Real life is hard. It’s full of heartbreak, disappointment, bad coffee, and stale chips.

BUT. It’s also beautiful because it’s redeemed by a loving God that calls us worthy and beloved.

May we focus on the realness of the Lord today. May we realize that He gives us the realest life imaginable.

 

*to see Sue get really excited about a friend’s engagement, click here!

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Sep 03 2014
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Relationships

what the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise taught me: Part 2

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I’ve come to the conclusion that we all love love.
We talk about it all the time. We obsess over it. We desire it. We work for it. We feel empty without it.

We have come to idolize love.

While watching Bachelor in Paradise over the past few weeks, I’ve come to realize that no one is immune to this idolatry. I mean, that’s even why we watch the show!! We want to stare at a screen for 2 hours once a week and watch as a fairytale love story unfolds before our eyes. The contestants give up their normal lives for weeks upon weeks to go to love boot camp hoping to come out shooting rainbows and confetti (and Lisa Frank unicorns) out of their heart cannons.

We are all obsessed with finding our true love.

What really trips me up about this is that none of us will ever live a love story that isn’t stained by brokenness and hurt. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, 1 sinful person + 1 sinful person does NOT equal perfection.

This past week on Bachelor in Paradise, one contestant that has been on since the beginning (for 6 weeks, I think) finally connected with a guy. She had struggled the first few weeks because she “came to paradise for love” but was striking out. All the dudes were connecting with other women and it seemed as if all hope was lost.

Enter: a new dude! Hooray!

Within a week homie was telling her that he was in love. And it freaked this girl out!

She had (somewhat) gotten what she wanted, and it wasn’t what she expected.*

That’s what idols do to us. They promise fulfilment. They promise satisfaction. They promise that we’ll never want anything more.

And once we get to the idol, once we snatch the holy grail, once we find true love, the rug is pulled out from underneath us and we’re still left broken.

Love is not a bad thing. I think that love gets a bad name (Bon Jovi style) sometimes because we twist and skew it so much that we can’t recognize it anymore.
We can’t recognize the ultimate love of a Savior that has redeemed us and made us new, complete, and without blame.

In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. (1 John 4:9-10)

This love fulfils. This love sustains. This love is whole.

*This is totally my perception of something I’ve watched on tv. I don’t know this woman’s heart, but I do know mine, and that’s how I would’ve felt.

To listen to Garth & Kat’s sweet love songs, click here!

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Aug 06 2014
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Relationships

Cliches: Part 2

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Another awesome phrase/cliche us younger Christian women like to throw out every now and then is: Dance with God and He will let the perfect man cut it.

First of all, I grew up Baptist, therefore I don’t dance. Sssooo, I’ll probably never get married.
(calm down, it’s a joke…)
Secondly, I’ve definitely pinned that quote typed in front of a mountain, or sunset, or field, or something along those lines. I’m as apt as the next person to lean in hard to cheesy, cutesy, feel-goody quotes that the internets provides.

Now, what’s wrong with this cliche? What’s wrong with picturing God as a loving Father dancing with His little girl then randomly letting some dude cut in during their favorite rendition of “Butterfly Kisses”?

Well, nothing is wrong with picturing God as a loving Father, because that’s what He is. What’s wrong is the end game of me not dancing with the Lord anymore. What’s wrong is envisioning God as a cosmic genie that if I just hang out with for a bit and give some select seasons of my life to, He’ll bring along Mr. Perfect to carry me through the rest of my life.

I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again: God is not a being I can manipulate into giving me whatever the heck I want.

Also, if I do meet a guy that I could see a marital future with, and he even thinks he’s cut God out of the picture…C YA homeboy. To stop “dancing” with God is a big no-no. A man cannot take the place of Jesus in my life.

I do, however, think it’s a great mindset to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33). So if that means dancing with God, then dance away! But don’t think you can two-step* into marriage by faking your way through a relationship with Christ.

Love Jesus for the sake of Jesus.

*if you ever want to see some legit two-stepping, invite my parents over for a dance party. Seriously.

To see Triangle Sally tearing it up on “The Worst of Soul Train,” click here!

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Jul 16 2014
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Relationships

that time I only dated Jesus

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I want to start this off by saying the following words are only meant to reflect my heart and my experience, no one else’s.

Okay, let us begin.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I went to college and got really enlightened in the realm of Christian anti-dating campaigns. So much so, I joined up every chance I got. My favorite female Christian musicians did not casually date. As in, they did not date at all. Instead, the decided to not date until they had met the man they would marry. I read books that told me to side-hug dating goodbye, or something like that. I read tons of articles online about dating Jesus and how that was really superior to dating a man-boy.

I learned a lot about how I was probably a more holy person if I decided to not date at all, so I didn’t.

I was a part of the, “I’m better than you because I don’t date” club. I’m not sure what our national membership number was, but it was probably pretty high.

I distinctly remember a time when a young high school girl, who didn’t know me (we had just been introduced), asked if I had a boyfriend. Instead of just saying no, I dropped the guilt bomb on her: “Oh,” Kayla scowled as the innocent, unknowing teen looked on with great interest, “I don’t date.”

What my face and body language told her that my words didn’t was, “Oh, I don’t date. Because I’m above that. I’m better than dating. People who date are not cool people.”

I was a real winner like that.

I had turned what most people (like my favorite musicians and authors of well-meaning books) had meant for good, into a shame-inducing snarky lifestyle.

When I would explain to people that I was “dating Jesus” I wouldn’t do it with humility. I wouldn’t explain that dating relationships were an idol in my life and I really wanted Jesus to be my source of satisfaction. I wouldn’t share that it was a personal decision and that if you did date, it was fine, Jesus still loved you. I would, however, act like a total cotton-headed-ninny-muggins.

I think my point in all of this is that it’s okay to just date Jesus. It’s okay to have a season of life when you intentionally don’t pursue a relationship with someone because you feel the need to be close to the Lord. It’s necessary to put Christ above a boyfriend.
It’s not okay to shame other people in to your way of thinking, or to act like you are a superior human being because you’ve made a spiritual decision.

Don’t act like you’re life choices make you a better person. Jesus makes you a better person. So tell people about Him and how great His love is for us. That’s really the only thing that matters.

To see the lovely Maharelle Sisters all the way from the Finger Lakes, click here!

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