Tag Archives: Relationships

Oct 15 2014
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Relationships

it gets better

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When I think about heartbreak, two instances in my life stick out vividly. Once was a time when a “friend” pretty viciously attacked my character and motive and it made me question and evaluate every friendship I’d ever had in my life up to that point. No big deal.

The other time was by a boy.

The time the boy broke my heart was HARD. I look back at the night it happened and feel bad for my friends that had to deal with my weepy self. I say “weepy” as if I just cried a little bit and whined for a while. It was more like ugly-crying so hard my facial features were unrecognizable and I couldn’t form normal human sentences.

It. Was. Rough.

Looking back, I can honestly say the reason it was so rough was because I had placed all of my security, fulfillment, and approval in the relationship. I lived like this man could save me.

Then it came crashing down.

In reality, it was more like a quick trip on a sidewalk rather than a huge crash.

From both of these experiences I’ve learned a major lesson: life gets better.

It doesn’t get better because I now have amazing friendships (which I do). It doesn’t get better because I’m in an awesome relationship (which I’m not).

It gets better because I now see Jesus more clearly than I ever have in my life.
It gets better because I know within my bones that I am loved and approved by the God Most High.
It gets better because Christ has fought for me and won my heart.

I had a conversation last night with some very dear friends and told them that the one thing I wish young girls (and boys too) could understand is that life gets better.

Friendships are hard. Relationships are hard. Life is hard. But going through it with Jesus makes it so much better.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in princes.
-Psalm 118:8-9

Know that God is on your side. And know that it gets better.

*for a sweet pep talk from Bon Jovi, click here!

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May 28 2014
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Relationships

i am not the point of my life

This past weekend I had the privilege of being on the camp staff for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes College Weekend of Champions. (To see a couple minutes of how awesome it was, click here!)

While at CWC I sat on a panel with 5 other women to field and answer questions from a room full of female college athletes. Any guesses as to what topic we discussed for the first 40 minutes?!

If you guessed hunting you are wrong. It was relationships!

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Shocker, right?!

There were tons of really good, deep questions. For one of the questions, I can’t remember what it was exactly, but my mouth opened and I answered. My answer to whatever was asked was, “What’s the point of my life? Is the goal of my life to get married, or is it to live in obedience to the Lord?”

I really caught myself off guard with that one, but I realized that’s really what God has been teaching me over the past couple of years. He’s been gently asking me the question, over and over again, “Kayla, what is the point of your life?”

And He’s been so kind in reminding my heart that I am not the point of my life. My life is not to be self-serving and all about me. Even if I get married, my life will still not be about me! It will be about loving my husband and submitting to him as his wife. It won’t be about how he can complete me and fulfill my every need.

I think sometimes we can get caught up in the assumption that being a follower of Christ is all about us. That He owes us something. That we’re entitled to His love.

If His love were based on entitlement, I would be the farthest from receiving it. Apart from Jesus, I am nothing. My life does not belong to me. And the point of my life is not to seek after earthly pleasures that will leave me empty.

Now, am I anti-marriage? Absolutely not! If God has the gift of marriage planned for my life, then I will gladly accept. BUT the point of my life is not marriage. It’s Jesus.

And apart from Jesus, marriage isn’t even that great.*

*and I say this after many discussions with married people that really love Jesus. Stay tuned this summer for some legit guests posts from some of them!

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Apr 02 2014
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Wasting My Waiting & How I Don’t Like that Phrase

One thing I hear quite often as a single woman is, “how are you doing in your time of waiting?”

The initial sarcastic thought that comes to my mind is, “Well, it’s 3pm so I’m just waiting for supper…which is PRETTY ROUGH. I’m not doing well. Seriously.”

But what people are really asking about is, how am I handling waiting for my husband. I know the people that have asked me this question are well meaning. I know that they truly care about the state of my heart and how I’m handling being single. They love me enough to ask how my heart is, and whether or not I’m letting relationship status become an idol. Because I’ve let it become that in the past.

They don’t want me to “waste my waiting.” They don’t want to see me wallow in self-pity, wasting away time I could be using to serve and love those around me.

However, I really don’t like that phrasing, and here’s why: it implies that my life isn’t complete until the next season comes around (which is something I wrote about here). It implies that I’m waiting on something other than God.

Now, hear me out. I’m NOT saying that this type of phrasing is totally wrong. And I’m not saying others should stop asking the question. I need those questions asked of me. I need deep, Christ-centered fellowship in my life to rejoice with me when I rejoice, and weep with me when I weep (Romans 12:15).

As I’ve written previously, I think waiting is ingrained in who we are. We long for the next big thing. We desire the next step up whatever ladder we’re climbing.

What’s wrong is when I hear that phrase or question and fall back into that mindset of marriage being the ultimate end-goal. What’s wrong is when I ask someone that question and lead them to believe that something other than God is better than God.

A few verses before (what I’m assuming is) the most famous verse on “waiting”, Isaiah writes:

To whom then will you compare me, that I should be like him? says the Holy One. (40:25)

This is in a section of scripture speaking to the greatness of God. The Holy One Himself is asking, “who is better? Where can you go to find something that comes close to me?”

My season of waiting will last for the rest of my earthly life. I can go nowhere to find something or someone to fill the void of desire that only Christ can. My heart longs for the day to be united with Christ in His presence.

But for now, I’m going to try to not waste my waiting. I’m going to keep my eyes fixed on the prize and purpose of my waiting: Jesus.

And if I get married, we’ll continue to wait together for the glorious day when our Bridegroom brings us home.

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Mar 19 2014
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Relationships

Using God to get the Guy

This is a story of how I used God to get the guy. Or at least, how I kept telling myself I was doing certain things to grow in my relationship with Christ, but really I was just doing things that were spiritual to get a guy’s attention.

And also how it’s not that great of an idea to do such things.

I am not a morning person. When I was in high school, during the summertime especially, my mom would get mad at me because I would sleep until noon. That’s how much I don’t like mornings…I didn’t even want to be awake during them.

However, you throw a guy I like in to the mix, I wake up before the alarm goes off. Every time.

A few years ago this guy I liked was in a Bible study that met at 6am once a week, so it became my mission to really grow in my faith by attending this Bible study. And when I say “grow in my faith” I really mean, “get up super early, look as put together as possible, go to this Bible study for a hour so homeboy sees me really loving Jesus, drink as much coffee as possible to be as alert as possible for the time we’re all together, then go back to my dorm and go back to sleep before class starts 3 hours later.”

Not only would I go to this study, I would basically do anything “spiritual” that I could to get on his holy radar: tweet Bible verses, join other studies and make sure I plastered it all over social media, get in to deep conversations to show how in tune with the Spirit I was.

I may not be the greatest person.

But that’s how my mind worked. I thought that if I put myself out there and flaunted my faith in front of this guy, he would fall for me and we would live happily ever after.

Que the game show sound effects: “WWWHHAAAWWAAAAAA”

My master plan didn’t work quite like I thought it would. My heart became more invested in this man than it did in Christ during that season.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the only one that works like this. I think we can use our relationship with God to try to manipulate our way in to lots of things: friendships, relationships, certain social groups. And maybe it’s not even an overt thing…maybe we don’t even recognize that we are pursuing other things through God.

The point of sharing this short story of The Life & Times of Kayla Smith (more commonly known as the blockbuster hit, “Frozen”**) , is that we need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves.

The point of going to God is to get God. The point of following Jesus is not so I can have all these other things added to my life.

This concept has been talked about a lot in the Christian circles lately in other blogs, books, podcasts, etc., but I still need it to be beaten in to my head constantly.

I can’t live my life using God to get other things. I need to live my life just going to God for the sake of God. That’s it.

A verse I shared last week is applicable again tonight: “Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.”-Psalm 73: 25

This is my prayer this week for us all, that our eyes would not be focused on all the “extras” but on God alone.

**kidding about the “Frozen” thing…but wouldn’t that be AWESOME?!

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Mar 05 2014
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Relationships

chasing the carrot

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The above picture is courtesy of the internets. It’s amazing what you can find via a search engine.

This picture also represents how I occasionally feel.

Sometimes I get it into my head that God is dangling this carrot out in front of me and if I only try harder then He’ll finally reward me with that strange, orange vegetable.

Replace “carrot” with “marriage.” Or “kids.” Or “job.”

See where this is going?

Am I the only one that sometimes feels like God is holding out on me? That if I could only check more things off my list, get up earlier every day, read my Bible for 3 straight hours, etc., then God will give me what He’s dangling out in front of me?

I often tell myself if I would only get my self together and prepare my heart/mind to be a good wife, then and only then will God bring my man along.

The problem with my thinking is that He isn’t dangling ANYTHING in front of me. He has given me Himself. He has given me redemption through the blood of His Son. And He isn’t holding anything back from me “just because.”

My parents got us a pool when I was younger, back in the day when my sister was still shorter than me. I remember when she and I would go swimming together and she would want me to hold her in the pool. I, being the super cool and funny trickster I am, would say, “okay, just swim to me.”

And as she would I would slowly inch back farther and farther from her, trying to make it seem as if she was never going to reach me.

I may not have been the nicest older sister.

If the story were God as me (which I am NOT…it’s for illustration purposes ONLY…don’t get mad), and me as my sister, God would have reached up on the deck, put me on His hip, and swam around that 24 foot circle of delight, holding me all day long.

God isn’t dangling a carrot for us to chase after. He isn’t swimming away when we’re trying to reach Him. He’s standing in the water with His arms open wide begging for us to trust Him and get in the water.

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

-Matthew 7:11

Nothing we could ever chase after will be as good as God Himself.

So let’s decide together to chase after Jesus, leave the carrot behind, and just jump in the water.

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