Author Archives: kayla

Nov 24 2015
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Identity, Uncategorized

one direction (now a new one)

onedirection-separazione-2

So, my dear friends, it’s been almost 2 years.

TWO. YEARS.

I don’t know that I’ve been committed to anything other than coffee, queso, and softball for longer than 2 years!

Okay, maybe my family and friends. And pie. I’m definitely committed to pie.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.

I’ve stuck with this whole I’m-a-blogger thing for a long time. It started with realizing I had a voice – specifically a voice as a Christian female who also happens to be single. I realized that I had something to say about the way the Church interacted with “my kind.” (Using that phrase probably goes against everything I’ve said for the past 2 years…whatever…)

I was also struggling with that reality. That I was (am) single. That my life plan hadn’t quite played out the way I thought it would.

So I wrote about it. I wrote about my struggles and my triumphs. My interactions with others who try to navigate life differently than their family/friends/church crew expect them to.

And cool things started to happen. I started to see God show up in my life in ways that I didn’t expect. I began to see Him fill holes I forgot were there, because I was letting Him in.

I’ve been on this metaphorical journey for almost 2 years and I feel like it’s time to go on a new one.

I’ve become “Kayla, the Single Blogger” (I just gave myself that name, by the way…)

I don’t want to be known for singleness, I want to be known for Jesus.

So, here we are. Taking this thing in a new direction.

This doesn’t mean that I’ll never write about singleness again, because that is still part of my reality.

But instead I want to write about Jesus. I want to write about what He is doing in my life, in the lives of my family & friends, and how He is transforming hearts for His name’s sake.

I want to become Christ-like, not Kayla-like. I want Matthew 5:16 to be true of me:

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

I hope you’ll stick around, because I think really cool things are about to start happening again.

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Nov 19 2015
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Uncategorized

all my GWOC ladies

dancers

I’m 99.9999% sure I wrote this same sentence last year, but my all time favorite weekend of the year (outside of Christmas and my birthday) is FCA’s annual Girls Weekend of Champions. Us ladies get to gather together to sweat, laugh, cry, and learn about Jesus with one another. This year we had 144 (!!!!!!!!) student-athletes from all across the Greater St. Louis area join together for camp. It was, in short, the KEWLEST!

As a staff member for FCA, one of my camp follow up duties is to go over the evaluations that campers fill out (campers: aren’t you glad you didn’t write that Kayla was a big weirdo?)

On overwhelming amount of girls wrote about the impact Christ has had on their lives through the camp. I LOVE, LOVE getting to read those comments. Those notes that say, “I gave my life to Jesus for the first time at this camp,” or, “I had no idea what it looked like to play my sport to the glory of God and now I do!”

They fill my heart.

But, ladies, there’s something we need to follow up on.

You need to know that you do not have to work harder for the sake of Jesus.

So many wrote, “I just need to do better.” or, “I’m going to try harder to be a better Christian.”

I get it. I really do. As an athlete, recovering perfectionist, people-pleaser, etc. I get it.

It doesn’t make sense that we have a God that just asks us to be. To be still and know that HE is GOD. He doesn’t ask us to work really hard so that we can be better. He asks us to know that Jesus paid the price for our sins so that we don’t have to work. If God’s pleasure in my perfection were left up to me…man…I’d be a hot mess!

If there’s one thing I push back against the most, it’s the desire to be better so that God will love me more, accept me more, pour out more blessings upon me.

Hebrews 7 says that Jesus is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through Him and that He has no need to offer sacrifices daily since He did this once for all when he offered up Himself.

It doesn’t say that God only saves us partially based on Christ’s sacrifice and then the rest is provided by our works.

He doesn’t say that there is a need for longer quiet times, more Bible study groups to be a part of, better coffee to drink during your journaling time (although I do think I’m closer to God depending on how good the bean in my cup is…another time, Kayla…another time…).

Scripture says that Christ saved us to the uttermost once and for all by His sacrifice on the cross.

So, ladies (and gentlemen I guess, if you’re a guy and reading this…), stop trying to work harder for God’s love. Just be with Him for the sake of being with Him.

Know that you are loved and valued beyond comprehension simply because God says so.

Rest in that tonight, this week, this year. And let’s chat about it at Girls Weekend 2016 🙂

*also, check out The Dancers here to prepare for more epic FCA dance parties

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Nov 11 2015
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Uncategorized

a hard crash/bang

toonces

This past weekend I had the privilege of being with 180 other women at my favorite camp – Girls Weekend of Champions. It’s just a bunch of us ladies hanging out, playing sports, and dancing the days away. AND talking about Jesus and His goodness. I love this camp. I love that I get to see young ladies come to know Christ and grow in their relationship with Him. I love that I get to see God on display through those I serve alongside and I’m continuously amazed that He would choose to use even me for the betterment of His Kingdom. I walked away on Sunday evening feeling on top of the world – knowing that God had done a great and mighty work.

Then Tuesday happened.

Monday was good because I got to sleep past 5:45am.

Tuesday rolled around and I was so tired and beat up, I could barely figure out which hand was the one I was supposed to write with. And I’m not even ambidextrous.

I felt so attacked by the enemy and just had a heavy heart. I was sad about weird things and kept trying to dig myself out of this strange pit.

I think the enemy likes to try to get me like that. I think that after my good days, he likes to remind me that I’m alone, that I really don’t have value, that I’m unlovable, that I’m not worthy.

And I believe him.

After spending a weekend with young ladies reminding them that THEY have value and are loved by the Most High God, I let the father of lies in to my head and believe the crap he tells me.

My heart is so fickle and I’m so easily swayed from the Truth.

Thankfully, I had enough sense to open up God’s Word (let’s be honest, I didn’t feel like it but knew I needed to…I’m not that great of a Christian). What I came to reminded me that God alone speaks Truth over me:

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. (Psalm 62:5-8)

As my new friend would say, satan can suck it. God alone gets to tell me who I am. He only is my rock – I shall not be shaken. No amount of singleness, marriage, children, or even cheese (my true love) can affect my stance with my Father. I am His and He is mine.

Sometimes we can fall pretty hard, pretty fast, but I’m so thankful for a Good Father that kindly draws me back in and reminds me that He is good always.

*to watch Toonces the Cat drive a car, click here!

Oct 13 2015
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Contentment

entering rest

SNL_1596_09_Sleepover

I like naps. A lot. Really, I probably love them. Snuggling up in a blanket on my bed while it’s still sunny is one of my favorite things to do.

Physically resting is definitely a norm in my life. Spiritually & mentally resting, however, is a different story.

If letting my mind run wild with different scenarios, worries, anxieties, etc. were an Olympic event, I would most likely win gold.

I specifically let my mind keep busy thinking about my future –

“will I get married?”
“what does this text mean?”
“why doesn’t he call?”
“he liked this picture, so we’re engaged, right?”

It goes on and on and never ceases. The fight within my mind over my thoughts is exhausting.

I’ve been reading through the book of Hebrews and using a study from shereadstruth.com. Today’s passage was about true Sabbath rest. A rest that belongs to the people of God. Not one that we have to work for, or even wait on – it already belongs to us.

One line on the blog that hit me in the gut was:

(God) has already assigned you more worth than you could ever create or accumulate. This is the good news today, on Sunday morning and for the rest of forever.

Did you see that? Because of the worth that the Creator of the Universe has already given me, I don’t have to worry about my future. I don’t have to read in to that text message that may or may not mean some dude likes me. I don’t have to exhaust myself with the cares of this world. I can rest, secure and hopeful, in my Savior’s loving arms – knowing that my future is in the hands of Jesus, the One that lived the perfect life, died the death that I deserve, and rose again on the third day so that I am now redeemed.

That’s the rest that belongs to us. We are free from work, worry, being consumed with things that are out of our control. We get to enter in to deep, restorative, and real rest that only Christ can provide.

Do I want marriage? Yes.
But missing Jesus because I chase after a boy isn’t worth it. Not for one second.
I want Jesus, and His rest, more.

Check out Bedelia’s sleepover & her best friend/mom here!

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Aug 30 2015
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the marriage of discipline & trust

SNL_1536_04_Surprise

I’ve struggled in keeping up with this whole blogging thing this summer. Truth is, I haven’t struggled in blogging. I’ve struggled in discipline. I always have.

I grew up as a disciplined athlete, but every other area of my life way always in disarray. When I stopped playing sports, then I really lost all sense of discipline. I’m just not the greatest at being a self-disciplined person, no matter how much I want to be.

And the reason for that is that I’m really good at talking myself out of it. I’m probably the best person to convince myself that I can put certain things off. I can make myself believe so easily that I’ve earned a night off. “It can wait until next week. I deserve to nap instead” has been the motto of my summer when it comes to this blog.

And you know what I’ve also lacked in this summer? Trust.

In my lack of discipline in searching God in my single life, I have lacked in trust that God cares about my single life.

This blog has not only been a way for me to write out some (hopefully) helpful commentary on my experiences within the church as a single person, but it has also been a tool for me to really seek the Lord – intentionally and specifically in the area of relationships.

I’ve come to find that discipline and trust are married. And that they work really well together. And that when one is off running around, not being faithful to their union, the other one just kinda floats around with nowhere to land.

And I’ve also learned that when they are both filling their proper roles – and when I’m actively engaging in both – they form a really great union. (Marriage type union…not construction workers union…)

When I am disciplined in seeking God – through prayer, study of Scripture, meditation on His Word – I can trust Him more fully. And when I trust Him more fully, the discipline of seeking Him becomes a pure joy in my life. Which leads to more trust. Which leads to more discipline…

See what I mean?

But when I’m not seeking Him, I’m not trusting Him. Which leads me to not seek Him. Which leads to less trust…

You get it. You’re a smart person.

So, here’s to discipline. And grace. And a Redeemer that loves even me – the undisciplined sinner that I am. And here’s to trusting that God is God, and God is good, even when I don’t blog for 3 months or so.

*watch Sue’s engagement surprise here!

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