I’ve had writer’s block for a few weeks now.
When I say “writer’s block” what I mean is “laziness.”
I just haven’t put in the discipline. Which seems to be a theme over the past few months. Not just in writing, but sometimes in life.
I came across this note in my phone from September 6, 2017: “My silence won’t keep God from being God.”
I truly have zero context around why I wrote this note in my phone on that night. I mean, it’s good truth, but I have no clue what inspired that truth to come out. ‘Cept Holy Spirit, of course.
Then, I come to tonight, and by my meticulous bookkeeping abilities (meaning I can look on a website and see what the last psalm I wrote about was…) I see that up in the order of psalms is numero thirty-three. All about the steadfast love of the Lord.
Remember when I said that discipline is hard for me sometimes?
Remember when I said that my silence won’t keep God from being God?
I can get into this mode of thinking that if I give God the cold shoulder He’ll shape up and bend toward my preferences and desires. That, if I give Him the silent treatment, He’ll start paying more attention to me. I get frustrated and stubborn, wondering why He just won’t figure.it.out. and get with my program.
My hope moves away from God and toward my silence.
I put my trust in my passive aggressiveness and cease to rely on the steadfast love of the Lord.
I lose joy because my mind is more affixed to my name than His holy one.
Then I read a note from 6 months ago.
And read a psalm that is all about God and not about me.
And I’m reminded that my silence doesn’t keep God from being God.
It doesn’t keep Him from being sovereign over all creation.
It doesn’t keep Him from pursuing me.
It doesn’t keep Him from giving me love and grace and mercy, moment by moment throughout each day.
Our soul waits for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in Him,
because we trust in His holy name.
Let Your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,
even as we hope in you.
I’m so glad that even in my silence, God’s steadfast love doesn’t leave me. I
t is always upon me, always helping me.
Lord, may Your steadfast love always be upon me, especially when I’m a silent little punk who thinks she can have hope in something other than You.