Category Archives: Identity

Nov 24 2015
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Identity, Uncategorized

one direction (now a new one)

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So, my dear friends, it’s been almost 2 years.

TWO. YEARS.

I don’t know that I’ve been committed to anything other than coffee, queso, and softball for longer than 2 years!

Okay, maybe my family and friends. And pie. I’m definitely committed to pie.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.

I’ve stuck with this whole I’m-a-blogger thing for a long time. It started with realizing I had a voice – specifically a voice as a Christian female who also happens to be single. I realized that I had something to say about the way the Church interacted with “my kind.” (Using that phrase probably goes against everything I’ve said for the past 2 years…whatever…)

I was also struggling with that reality. That I was (am) single. That my life plan hadn’t quite played out the way I thought it would.

So I wrote about it. I wrote about my struggles and my triumphs. My interactions with others who try to navigate life differently than their family/friends/church crew expect them to.

And cool things started to happen. I started to see God show up in my life in ways that I didn’t expect. I began to see Him fill holes I forgot were there, because I was letting Him in.

I’ve been on this metaphorical journey for almost 2 years and I feel like it’s time to go on a new one.

I’ve become “Kayla, the Single Blogger” (I just gave myself that name, by the way…)

I don’t want to be known for singleness, I want to be known for Jesus.

So, here we are. Taking this thing in a new direction.

This doesn’t mean that I’ll never write about singleness again, because that is still part of my reality.

But instead I want to write about Jesus. I want to write about what He is doing in my life, in the lives of my family & friends, and how He is transforming hearts for His name’s sake.

I want to become Christ-like, not Kayla-like. I want Matthew 5:16 to be true of me:

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

I hope you’ll stick around, because I think really cool things are about to start happening again.

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Jun 15 2015
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Identity

quick fix

SNL_1612_11_Bein_Quirky_EST

First of all, welcome back Cotter…I mean…Kayla. This is a weird early morning Monday edition because I’m on vacation and actually have the time to write.

Secondly, I’m in Arizona and sweating just sitting inside this coffee shop. It’s hot here.

Okay.

I’ve had many conversations lately around the premise of “this will fix that.”

“If I get through this week, then I’ll be on vacation and will finally be able to slow down…”
“If I get this job, then I’ll make more money…”
“If I do this one thing right, then…”
“If I get married, then I’ll be happy…”
“If I get married, then we’ll have 2 incomes and finally be able to afford…”

YOU GET THE PICTURE. (Sorry for screen-yelling at you.)

The problem with all of this is that it never works. All of the above scenarios, and what ever ones you were thinking in your own head, require me to be better, to work harder, to do something that fixes an issue. Yet, behind all of these issues are insecurities, pride, distrust….sin. They miss Christ.

God is continually reminding me that my life is already redeemed. Not only do I not have to work for His goodness, I can’t work for His goodness. He has already given it to me, with no strings attached!

In him (Jesus) we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight (Ephesians 1:7-8)

Also, Jesus doesn’t fix me. Jesus heals me. Makes me whole, more human.

Jesus isn’t in the business of fixing people. He’s in the business of making them completely new.

And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of the flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. (Colossians 2:13-14)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

The Bible doesn’t say that Jesus died so that I could be a better person, or live a happier life, or get married. Jesus lived a perfect life, died the death that I deserve, was buried, and rose again on the third day so that I can be redeemed and made alive in Him. That’s it. That’s the point.

Marriage won’t fix me. Jesus doesn’t even fix me. Jesus makes me whole and new. And that is enough.

*get quirk with Bjork, Zooey Deschanel, and Mary Kate Olsen here! 

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May 02 2015
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Identity

Ebenezer (not Scrooge)

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Kind of a weird title for a blog that is being published at the beginning of May instead of December, right?

That was the best line I could come up with for the intro. First words are usually the hardest.

Now that we’ve broken the ice I can get to it.

Ebenezer’s have been popping up a lot in my life lately. Which is actually a fairly accurate statement because an Ebenezer is a stone that was raised by Samuel to commemorate victory over the Philistine army. It is a place of remembrance. History AND relevance! #FTW!

I’ve been trying to remember God more intentionally, which sounds like a pretty strange concept, but stick with me.

In the book “Cupid is a Procrastinator” (yes, there is a book by that title and yes, I am reading it. It’s really good so talk to me about it before you judge me OR the book), the author writes:

Samuel set up a stone memorial in that place and said, “Thus far, the Lord has helped us” (1 Samuel 7:12). He set it up as a way to pause and say, “God, we have been through a lot, but you have always been faithful. You have helped us before, and you will keep on helping us. Thank you for what you’ve done so far, and thank you for what you will keep on doing.”

It is easy for me to forget about God’s faithfulness and steadfast love that He has shown over and over in my life. A couple of weeks ago I had a major breakdown in my friend’s kitchen because I was convinced that nothing good would ever happen in my life – that I was in ultimate emotional despair.

Have I ever mentioned that I can be a bit dramatic?

I was convinced of that because I forgot God. I forgot about His promise to me to pour out joy, peace, love, kindness, redemption, grace, mercy, etc. continuously.

I forgot that He has shown up in my darkest places before. That He saw me at my weakest and drew me into Himself to comfort and rescue me.

I forgot that God is for me – that he leads and guides me for His name’s sake (Psalm 31:3).

I forgot that my value and worth are directly affected by me being an image bearer of God – that nothing can take that from me, and nothing can shake that truth.

So, I want to remember God. I want to be intentional about reminding myself of His promises in Scripture, of His provision in relationships, and I deeply want to remind myself of moments in my life where He has clearly helped me, just as He did with Samuel & the Israelites.

I want to be a walking Ebenezer – remembering always the goodness of God and His ever-helping grace.

How has God worked in your life & how do you remember His faithfulness to you?

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Feb 25 2015
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Identity

our smoggy culture

Russell-Brand-Net-Worth

There has been a video going around Facebook this week in which Russell Brand provides some very insightful views on the effects of porn on a person. This blog isn’t about that, but you can watch it here.

This blog is instead about something Russell said in his video. He refers to things like “50 Shades of Grey” and advertisements that objectify women (Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. anyone??) as cultural smog.

Smog – smoky fog. Something you can’t see through. Something that invades your space and can cause you to get of course pretty easily.

So what Russell is saying, essentially, is that something as simple as a commercial for a Twix bar can invade our minds/hearts and throw us off course.

I would argue similar things for relationships. In friendships it could be something as simple as your coffee pal needing to reschedule because the have a flat tire that can lead you down a road of questioning if they really like you.

A boy could forget to like your Facebook status about your Bible study and suddenly it’s like you don’t even exist.

The Christian could read ‘smog’ as ‘sin’. And I believe this particular smog/sin is typically inward. It’s idolatry of the heart – placing our affections on something or someone other than Jesus.

If we aren’t careful the cultural smog that is thick in our atmosphere can overtake our lives, security, peace, and identity and completely destroy us. We can allow sin to bury who we know Jesus to be as Redeemer.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. (Romans 8: 1, 5-6)

To set your mind on the Spirit is to rely on His clarity in your life and trust that the smog will filter it’s way out.

A wise man once told me that all truth is God’s truth, and I believe Russell spoke truth in his video. I encourage you to watch it, especially if pornography is something you struggle with.

My prayer for the week is that God would reveal to me the smog in my life. That He would open my eyes to see clearly the sin that so easily entangles me, and that He would cleanse me of all unrighteousness.

And next week we’ll talk about being air filters in our culture and what that can look like as followers of Jesus. (Like how I keep going with the air purity analogy? Ehh…I’m kinda over it now…)

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Feb 11 2015
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Identity

all the feels none of the reals

SNL_1581_12_Darlique_and_Barney

I’ll be the 4th person to tell you that I’m a bit emotional. If you want confirmation from the first 3, just let me know and I’ll put you in contact.

I have a tendency to let my emotions get the best of me in both good and bad ways. Emotions can make us think we’re completely invisible one day, and the person the earth rotates around the next. They can cause tremendous pride to well up inside while at the same time begin to nurse a smidgen of anxiety that’s just starting to creep its way into the mind.

Emotions can also help us to be grateful, joyful, hopeful, in awe of the world, and loved.

Emotions are funny.

The problem I find myself in on occasion is letting my emotions become my reality. A guy without a ring on his left hand shoots me an eye and precious little smile and I assume we’ll be engaged within a week. Same guy can glance past me as I’m sitting in a corner talking to a friend and I’m extremely aware of how he doesn’t even know I exist. The I sit in those feelings and lose focus of who I am in Christ. I forget that God made me an emotional person for a good purpose – not so I could dwell on a dude’s brief interaction with me.

As a single lady in the church, I think it’s also easy to get really wrapped up in what others have to say about the guys in our lives. It’s easy to listen to people telling me, “Well, you know he’s single and he really loves Jesus so you two will probably end up together,” and then fantasize about what our wedding pictures will look like.

(I should take a moment to mention here that I am highly exaggerating these instances & responses for effect. Don’t think I’m too much of a basket case.)

We need to be careful and aware of our emotions. As cliché as it might sound, we need to know that God has made each of us in unique and beautiful ways. It’s okay for me to be an emotional person, if I’m emotional in a way that moves me towards Christ and understanding who He has made me to be. It’s okay for me to be emotional if I’m becoming more aware of my neighbors & their needs, drawn into service of those around me.

It’s not okay for me to be emotional if I let anxiety, insecurity, fear, and doubt rule my life and become my reality.

Y’all, we can’t let the feels become the reals. Know that who you are in Christ will never change. He has died for you – and all of your emotions – so you can rest secure in knowing that His redemptive reality is the most true thing we can know. Let the words of Paul be your reality. Feel this deeply today:

If anyone is in Christ, (she) is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself…for our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:17, 18, 21)

*Watch Darlique & Barney have some fake fights here! (or are they?!)

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