Author Archives: kayla

Nov 12 2014
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Identity

the voices in my head

I got to spend this past weekend at one of my favorite camps of all time: FCA Girls Weekend of Champions. It’s seriously the best. We had over 130 ladies join us for a weekend of competition and growth in our faith in Christ. It was a blast.

One of my favorite parts of Girls Weekend – and in particular this year’s camp – is how quickly girls get real with one another, with themselves, and with God. Our speaker did a phenomenal job of making the Gospel clear and real to these ladies. One of the things she talked about was our voice. She talked about how our voice got distorted in the fall, is effected by sin, but redeemed by Jesus.

And it got me to thinking – what is my voice saying.
Specifically, what is my voice saying in relationship to: others, myself, and Jesus.

I’d like to think my voice does a pretty good job in relation to others. I think I’m an encouraging person and that I build others up with my words.

But when it comes to myself and Jesus, I think my voice is less than awesome. My unchecked inner voice likes to tell me I’m not good enough. It likes to remind me that I’m alone. It prefers to keep me secluded and quiet with my struggles. And in that, I think it’s telling Jesus that He isn’t enough. That He can’t satisfy me. That He isn’t my refuge and rock.

My sinful voice is really good at lying to me.

But then I enter into the sanctuary of the Most High and find things like:

I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. – Psalm 81:10

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing. – Zephaniah 3:17

The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs – heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him. – Romans 8:16-17

My sinful voice no longer has a say in my life. Jesus has redeemed me and made me His, therefore He gets to tell me who I am. He gets to tell me that I am good enough, that I’m not alone, that He is with me always. And I get to rest in His arms, reminded that He is enough. That He is all satisfying. That His voice alone gets to speak identity into my life.

It’s easy to let being single become my identity. It’s easy to let that voice remind me that I’m not married, I don’t have kids, etc. But it’s not worth it to let that voice win.

Let Jesus be your voice today and forevermore.

And for all you GWOC ladies…#suckitsatan

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Oct 29 2014
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Relationships

under pressure

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First of all, I’m sitting in a Starbucks in the suburbs of Chicago and it’s super fun. I love Chicago. Let’s go to here together sometime.

Secondly, as I sat on a train for 8 hours today (yes…8 hours…because our train car detached and there was a huge hullabaloo but we finally made it after what seemed like 23 years), I read Amy Poehler’s new book Yes Please. So far, it’s exceeding all of my expectations. You should buy it from here.

I love Amy, and I’m loving what she has to say about life and all that jazz. While what she has to say is not necessarily from a Biblical worldview, I still appreciate her words and I think they ring true whether you’re a follower of Jesus of not.

The pressure of “What are you going to do?” makes everybody feel like they haven’t done anything yet.

-Amy Poehler

In this portion of her book, she’s talking about the struggles of being young. As I’ve mentioned before, there is a lot of pressure on us ladies, especially those of us in our twenties, to figure our business out and figure it out NOW! And heaven forbid you be THIRTY and still single! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Or still figuring out what your dream is.
Or still renting a small 1 bedroom apartment because it doesn’t make sense in your mind to buy a house.
Or if you’ve been married for 5 years and still don’t have kids.

As Amy said, when seasons in life are approached and discussed as if there’s something better, more fulfilling, to be attained, it’s as if you’re assuming that I’ve done nothing with my life.

Let’s not talk about what I’m going to do.
Let’s talk about what I’m doing.

Let’s not talk about how God will bring Mr. Right into my life when I’m least expecting it.
Let’s talk about how God is molding my heart and life to look more like Jesus.

And please, for the love of all that’s pumpkiny (because I have a huge #PSL sign in front of my face), let’s stop putting timelines on each other and celebrate the moments in our lives that are happening right now, and praise God that we have right now to celebrate.

*to see one of my favorite Amy characters, click here!!

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Oct 22 2014
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Relationships

for all the dudes in the room

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I’ve spent a lot of time on this blog addressing the ladies. I felt like I owed one to all you fellas out there, specifically you single guys.

I don’t claim to be an expert on men. I mean, I am a lady so I really know very little about the mind of a guy. BUT I do know (somewhat) about the mind of women (because, again, I am one), so I want to take some time to express some things on behalf of my gender.

You don’t have to be perfect.

I think us ladies put a lot of pressure on you to be the perfect guy: muscular, rollin in the cash, spotless past, etc. I’m sorry for that. I appreciate your desire to be healthy and financially stable, but I know it’s not fair of me to put perfection upon you. Like you, I too am a sinful person that has been forgiven and covered by the blood of a perfect Savior. In my opinion, it’s pretty attractive that you recognize and admit your need for Jesus. Know that there is freedom from your imperfection and it’s okay to admit you don’t have it all together.

Please do your best to honor me, and I’ll do my best to honor you.

When I say “honor me” I don’t necessarily mean open every single door I need to walk through and bow as I enter a room. Although, if you do that, I’ll be extremely impressed. Well…for a little while…then I might just think it’s weird or that you’ve time traveled from 17th century England. I digress.

When I ask you to honor me, I’m asking you to treat me like you would your sister. I’m asking you to know that my heart is fragile and there’s a lot of pressure on me to “find a man” so leading me on is not okay. Making me feel like I’m the only girl in the world, as Rihanna would lead you to think I want to feel, is not awesome if I don’t have a ring on my finger. Until I am the only girl in the world for you, please help me guard my emotions by being upfront with me, making sure that we’re on the same page with things, and treating me as sister in Christ. That would be pretty legit.

And in return I’ll do my best to not read in to every single word you say or thing you do, whether good or bad. I’ll try to not turn that small thing you said in passing into a marriage proposal, and if you don’t text me back within .2 seconds I’ll do my best to not freak out and assume you hate me. (Cause us girls have a tendency to do things like that sometimes…and I’m sorry for that)

Know that it’s okay for you to be single too.

Just as there’s pressure on the ladies to find a dude and get hitched, I think there’s pressure on you guys as well to find a good woman. If Christ should be my first love, He should be yours as well. As I would tell any female out there listening, I’m going to tell you: don’t go to Jesus to get to marriage. Go to Jesus to get to Jesus and allow Him to fill all of the space you’re trying to fill with other junk. Let Him satisfy the deepest parts of your soul. Let Christ be your all in all.

I realize this is probably just the beginning of a much larger conversation. If that’s the case, let’s get a bunch of us together and talk about it! I really don’t think I’m asking for much here, but I do know that what I’m asking for takes a little bit of work. I don’t expect an overnight change either. I’m just asking that you let Jesus guide your singleness as well.

*to see what I hope you don’t run into on a cruise ship someday, click here!

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Oct 15 2014
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Relationships

it gets better

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When I think about heartbreak, two instances in my life stick out vividly. Once was a time when a “friend” pretty viciously attacked my character and motive and it made me question and evaluate every friendship I’d ever had in my life up to that point. No big deal.

The other time was by a boy.

The time the boy broke my heart was HARD. I look back at the night it happened and feel bad for my friends that had to deal with my weepy self. I say “weepy” as if I just cried a little bit and whined for a while. It was more like ugly-crying so hard my facial features were unrecognizable and I couldn’t form normal human sentences.

It. Was. Rough.

Looking back, I can honestly say the reason it was so rough was because I had placed all of my security, fulfillment, and approval in the relationship. I lived like this man could save me.

Then it came crashing down.

In reality, it was more like a quick trip on a sidewalk rather than a huge crash.

From both of these experiences I’ve learned a major lesson: life gets better.

It doesn’t get better because I now have amazing friendships (which I do). It doesn’t get better because I’m in an awesome relationship (which I’m not).

It gets better because I now see Jesus more clearly than I ever have in my life.
It gets better because I know within my bones that I am loved and approved by the God Most High.
It gets better because Christ has fought for me and won my heart.

I had a conversation last night with some very dear friends and told them that the one thing I wish young girls (and boys too) could understand is that life gets better.

Friendships are hard. Relationships are hard. Life is hard. But going through it with Jesus makes it so much better.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in princes.
-Psalm 118:8-9

Know that God is on your side. And know that it gets better.

*for a sweet pep talk from Bon Jovi, click here!

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Oct 09 2014
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Contentment

when you act like marriage is my savior

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I’m learning not to be legalistic. It’s Thursday. Deal with it. (Whitney told me to write this.)

I’ve been in the church my entire life. I often say that the only two things I’ve known my entire life are sports and Jesus. I’ve been around church people for a long, long time. And I’ve loved most of it. I’m grateful for having grown up in the environment I did. I glad I’m involved in a Gospel centered church with a community of believers that love and encourage me daily.

What I don’t always love is when people act like marriage is my savior.

Please hear (read) what I’m about to say in love:

Dear well-meaning people in my life, marriage cannot & will not save me. When you ask me if I’m dating someone, and I answer with a “no,” don’t feel sad for me. Don’t look at me with discomfort and say something like, “well, it’ll happen when God wants it to happen,” or, “I’m sure God is just making you in to the wife you need to be!”

Sure, I may struggle with God’s timing. I may be a tad bummed that I’m not in a relationship. I might desire marriage and a family.

But don’t act like that is better for me than Jesus. If I’m struggling with singleness, that doesn’t help me. In fact, it feeds the idolatry in my heart and pushes me away from the cross.

I appreciate people showing care and concern in my life. I don’t mind questions regarding my dating life.

But please, can we all agree to stop acting like dating is better than Jesus? Can we stop pretending that marriage is our savior?

“If Christ is not your fulfillment…marriage will never be.” – Trey Herweck (@therweck)

So let’s stop acting like it can.

*I chose this Weekend Update sketch because the way they say “Really?!” is often how I react in my head to what’s described above. Click here to watch!!

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