I haven’t always been single. I’ve never been married, but I have dated and been in relationships (one at a time, mind you). As I wade through the land of singleness, I look back on my past relationships and often wonder, “Where did I go wrong.”
I believe one of the first things we as women often think when a dating relationship ends is that exact thought. What did I do. Where did I screw up. Why am I not good enough?
In reading Scotty Smith’s “Everyday Prayers” (pick it up here. Seriously. Go buy it.), I came across a mind blowing concept. He writes, “Idolatry is everywhere because there’s no such thing as a nonworshiper.”
Now, I’ve heard this concept many times, but it simply ROCKED me as I read it yesterday. YESTERDAY. (God’s timing is awesome) My following thoughts went something like this:
- Oh that’s gooooooooooood. Yeah, he’s spot on.
- I should share this with people that I know are struggling with idolatry. Maybe they’ll realize the idols in their life.
- Man, I’m glad I have my idols worked out.
- Shoot. Is that an idol? Being better than everyone else?
- Yup.
I have really good conversations in my head.
Anyways, it seriously got me thinking. What is my aim in relationships? What is my aim in blogging? What is my aim (fill in the blank)?
Often, my aim is for people to like me. I want to be wanted. I desire for people to desire me. At the deepest root of who I am, I want to be known.
What really throws me for a loop here, though, is that I am already. And I’m not liked, wanted, desired, known because of anything another human has done for me. I am all of these things because of Christ. God’s Word says in Zephaniah 3:17, “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” And again in Isaiah 43:1, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”
In other words, I am liked, wanted, desired, known, and LOVED because of God’s great love for me.
Now, just because I’ve written this blog does not mean that I’ve washed my hands of this idol. It doesn’t mean my need for approval is magically wiped away. In fact, if you know anything about me, you know that this has been a struggle in my life for a long time.
When I reflect back on my past relationships, my main goal in each of them was for the other person to validate me. My worship was myself. I could argue with you about being the most selfish “girlfriend” ever. Because I used to be, and probably will be next time around too if my validation is still coming from the guy I’m dating.
My hope is that we can struggle through this together. That we can like each other, or not, just because. That we can let the love of Christ be enough.
There’s a line in a BarlowGirl song that has stuck with me since the first time I heard it: “You’re a God who has all things, and still You want me.”
May we all let that be enough today.
Kayla Smith 