Tag Archives: misconceptions

misconceptions of marriage: part 3 – devotion to the Lord alone

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Welp, here it is – the last post of Whit’s series, the last post of 2014, and the post that marks the 1 year anniversary of the blog. As I’ve mentioned in weeks past, I’m so glad we’ve been able to learn from my dear friend these few weeks, and I pray that the Spirit would speak to us all and draw us into Christ as the year comes to a close. In starting this blog a year ago my desire was to learn who I am in Jesus for the sake of Jesus – to go to God just to get God. I’m glad Whit gets to close out the year sharing her heart in marriage, and that it’s all the same: whether we are single, married, divorced, whatever…the goal is Jesus, always. Enjoy the blog and we’ll see you in 2015!

With New Years Eve here, it seems like so many people are getting engaged. It is an exciting time for them as their whole world changes with the future of marriage on the horizon. With pictures of engagement rings, beaming faces, and happy couples it can be a trying time for those looking in from the outside. Engagement is wonderful….but there are many misconceptions with engagement and marriage.

So let’s us continue to go through the top 5 Misconceptions about marriage. Here are the 2 misconceptions we addressed last week:

#1 Finances Misconception

#2 Misconceptions of Loneliness
You can read about those misconceptions in the blog from last week by clicking here.

Are there more than these 5 misconceptions within marriage? Certainly. But I think you will catch onto the essence of truth in the 5 misconceptions: marriage is great, but it should point you to a greater relationship: Jesus.


#3 Misconceptions of Sex: “Once you are married you and your spouse will not struggle with temptation or lust; sex will complete you and make you happy.”

I wish this was true. But it’s not. Lust creeps into marriage, and satan is constantly trying to tempt and drive a wedge between husband and wife. Pornography is an ever present danger, that can entice and lure even the most noble of spouses. Look at this proverb, lust seduces and can deceive quickly—whether single or married we must be careful to protect ourselves from the temptations of lust.

Proverbs 7: 21-23 “With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.”

Sex does not complete you. Sex is an amazing part of marriage, but it doesn’t complete you. Jesus Christ as your personal savior completes you. Sex is designed by God and is meant to join husband and wife and help them to become one, like Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32).

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

#4 Misconceptions of Insecurities: “What I’ve done, the sins I have committed, make me not good enough for marriage; that I won’t be accepted; that God is holding out on me.”

Beloved, if this is your misconception of marriage know that I am praying for you. This misconception breaks my heart. This is a straight up LIE. This is a lie from satan that you won’t be acceptable before God or from a potential spouse. There is nothing we have done to earn the love of Christ, yet He still loves us —–grace upon grace (John 1:16). And that is a picture of the kind of spouse you want, the kind of spouse that is centered on Christ, will not hold past sins against you, but forgive you. That is the kind of potential spouse you should date, someone who shows you the grace of Christ.

My hubby loves me, and forgives me for my past mistakes. He does not hold those over my head and make me feel unacceptable. He shows me the grace of Christ daily, grace upon grace.

God is not holding out on you. God loves you and has a plan for your life. You are not acceptable because of what you do; you are acceptable to God because of Christ alone.

 Romans 14:18 “Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men.”

#5 Misconceptions of Completion or feeling “Good Enough”: “If I’m married to a man that has made a covenant to love me always in front of God and man, then I will always feel good enough around him.”

Again I wish this misconception was true. Wouldn’t it be nice to always feel good enough from your spouse? But as much as my wonderful hubs loves me, he does not complete me. Christ alone completes me. I need to be fully devoted to my savior, and sometimes in marriage it can be challenging to not put your spouse before Christ because your interests can be divided:  

1 Corinthians 7:32-35I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

I struggle with not feeling good enough, but my husband cannot solve this problem for me. Sure he can tell me he loves me, or I am pretty, or good at my job, or that I make a good dinner…but no matter the amount of flattery I am still insecure at times, especially when I burn dinner or have a bad hair day. Insecurity is me believing the lie that I am not good enough…having anxiety about myself. God’s word is clear. I am not to be anxious about anything, neither are you, God commands us not to be anxious/worried/insecure:

Matthew 6:31-34 “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

We can rest assured that we are secure in Christ, and not our own efforts, looks, jobs, or cooking abilities. And that is where you can find your security, not in a marriage but in Jesus Christ.

I don’t know where you are in your thoughts of marriage…maybe you think marriage is the ultimate, and that those that are married have it all. Maybe you are married and confused why it seems like everyone else’s marriages “look” perfect, and yours is in disarray. Maybe you think marriage sounds like a prison cell, and you are with your “ball and chain” for life. Or maybe you honestly don’t see the point in marriage, and consider it old-fashioned. Wherever you are coming into reading this, my prayer is that you would begin to see marriage for what God intended it to be: a relationship to point you towards Him.

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misconceptions of marriage: “and they lived happily ever after”

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Whitney (@whitneyarthur24 on Twitter) has lived a lot of life with me. She’s spoken words of encouragement and love into my life on a regular basis and I’m so excited to share a glimpse of that with you over the next 2 weeks!! She also taught me how to walk in heels…she’s pretty great. She’s also married to Pat who makes really tasty chocolate chip cookies and can cut a pretty good rug on the dance floor. I’m so honored that one of my best friends has opened her heart to us on this blog, and I pray that her experience and the truth of Scripture would encourage your heart! (ps, that’s one of Whitney & Pat’s engagement pictures posted above that I got to photograph!) Enjoy!!

There she was. The bride. Dressed in pure white, with a long veil, and beautiful white flowers. I was enamored. As she kissed her groom and they walked down the magical aisle into wedded bliss, I was hooked. After that my love affair with romance started as a little girl. I would draw brides in my coloring books, get “married” to my friends at preschool, and wear a towel on my head as a veil and prance around the house-singing “Someday my prince will come.”

To say I am a hopeless romantic is an understatement. I LOVE love (and weddings and fairy tales). A lot. Probably too much—I will let Kayla comment on that later to confirm.

I wanted to be a bride someday: a woman who is the essence of beauty and perfection. She glows, as if all her worries are gone, and life is easy. Her groom always looks at her the way all women want to be looked at. A bride must be the ideal of womanhood, I thought. Peering over my pages in my fairly tales I memorized every outfit and every line…until the fantasy turned into what I thought was a reality.

I would beg my dad to read me Cinderella, and eagerly await the phrase “and they lived happily ever after,” for that is what all little girls wish for. This is what little girls are conditioned to believe, what marketers and Disney mold into this fairy tale world that captivates the souls of little ones…and carries over into adult lives of women everywhere…hence our obsession with movies like “The Notebook,” or shows likes “The Bachelor.”

As I grew from a little girl into a young woman the idea of love fascinated me still. And I dove head first into relationships, for I wanted to be loved. Every relationship was another opportunity to finally feel wanted, desired, and cared for. So I had to be in a relationship to fulfill the void I felt. I put my heart in the hands of boys who made me feel as though they could complete me, and quickly I realized that I still felt alone, not good enough, and incomplete.

Yet, I was still hopeful that love would complete me as my inner-child cried from within, “This isn’t fair, you DESERVE a happily ever after.” And with a broken heart I would move to the next boy…and maybe he would be the one to complete me.

Praise God, I met Jesus during that sweet time of adolescence. That I was in the care of the ONLY one who could make complete: Christ.

Col. 2:10 NASB “…and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority.”

Thank goodness Jesus is the author of the most intriguing, beautiful, and radical love story of all time. He has had my heart since I was 15 and I began to fall in love with Him.

 Romans 5:8 “…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Sanctification is a process and I have continually tipped toed around the idea that LOVE with a man would satisfy more than my LOVE of Jesus.

When I met my husband I knew he was the one, because he told me that he would always love Jesus more than he loved me. I knew Jesus had to be at the center of our relationship, but I quickly put this man above Jesus for he seemed more tangible. God taught me a lot during our dating, and then 5 years later we got engaged…and the world of weddings and pure bliss was opened. My forever man had put a ring on my finger, and told me I would be his forever. Finally I thought I would feel secure, and good enough.

Sure, sure I had heard marriage would be hard. But I truthfully believed it would be different for us.

Our wedding day was magical – it was amazing to make the covenant of marriage with my hubby and the Lord before our friends and family. But a wedding-high doesn’t last. Again I put my hope into a relationship with a person, now my husband, rather than my relationship with my Savior.

Matthew 22: 37-38 “And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.”

This simple truth in the greatest commandment is so evident to not idolize anything or anyone but God. Yet I idolize my husband at times.

I put him above God, yet he doesn’t make me happy 24/7, we get in fights, he chews gum with his mouth open, he is different than me: he likes the show COPS….he isn’t perfect. As much as I love him he isn’t. He is a sinner. As am I. And so marriage is not a perfect relationship: a sinner marrying a sinner doesn’t equal complete bliss, it equals 2 sinners in a covenant relationship for life.

Marriage doesn’t complete me and it never will. I love my hubby, but I love Jesus more. And I don’t complete my hubs: and I can’t, it hinders his relationship with Christ if I try to get in the way.

Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

I pray that you would realize what or who you are idolizing before God. What are you seeking after? Is it a wedding? Is it an engagement ring? Is it marriage? Anything other than JESUS doesn’t suffice and you will be left feeling empty and striving for more. Beloved, I promise no one, no man, no husband will complete you…as hard as you may try, Jesus is better and truly is the “happily ever after,” we long for. Seek hard after Him and the desires of God’s heart will become the desires of your heart, Psalm 37:4. Eternity with the perfect Bridegroom: Jesus. He is the only one who I will idolize.

Next week we will discuss the 5 Top Misconceptions about marriage…get ready as we unpack: “What do singles think are the benefits of marriage?”

  • Finances
  • Sex
  • Loneliness
  • Insecurities
  • Feel Complete or “Good Enough”

Until next week….

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