Tag Archives: marriage

May 28 2014
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Relationships

i am not the point of my life

This past weekend I had the privilege of being on the camp staff for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes College Weekend of Champions. (To see a couple minutes of how awesome it was, click here!)

While at CWC I sat on a panel with 5 other women to field and answer questions from a room full of female college athletes. Any guesses as to what topic we discussed for the first 40 minutes?!

If you guessed hunting you are wrong. It was relationships!

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Shocker, right?!

There were tons of really good, deep questions. For one of the questions, I can’t remember what it was exactly, but my mouth opened and I answered. My answer to whatever was asked was, “What’s the point of my life? Is the goal of my life to get married, or is it to live in obedience to the Lord?”

I really caught myself off guard with that one, but I realized that’s really what God has been teaching me over the past couple of years. He’s been gently asking me the question, over and over again, “Kayla, what is the point of your life?”

And He’s been so kind in reminding my heart that I am not the point of my life. My life is not to be self-serving and all about me. Even if I get married, my life will still not be about me! It will be about loving my husband and submitting to him as his wife. It won’t be about how he can complete me and fulfill my every need.

I think sometimes we can get caught up in the assumption that being a follower of Christ is all about us. That He owes us something. That we’re entitled to His love.

If His love were based on entitlement, I would be the farthest from receiving it. Apart from Jesus, I am nothing. My life does not belong to me. And the point of my life is not to seek after earthly pleasures that will leave me empty.

Now, am I anti-marriage? Absolutely not! If God has the gift of marriage planned for my life, then I will gladly accept. BUT the point of my life is not marriage. It’s Jesus.

And apart from Jesus, marriage isn’t even that great.*

*and I say this after many discussions with married people that really love Jesus. Stay tuned this summer for some legit guests posts from some of them!

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Apr 23 2014
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Not Always The Bridesmaid

When I was 19 someone said to me, “I just don’t want you to always be the bridesmaid and never the bride.”

Mind you, I had just ended an on-again-off-again relationship that had spanned 2 years up to that point and would continue for another year. I was pretty sure I would never meet another guy that I could “see myself” with.

Did I mention I was 19 and, ya know, all of life’s big decisions are supposed to be made by that age?

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I may have lived a bit of a dramatic life back in the day.

Looking back I truly believe this was the point in my life when God starting chipping away at the idol of relationships/marriage that I’ve struggled with for so long. He began teaching me that I am already a bride and that Jesus has already become my Bridegroom. As cliche as it may be, this is truth that cannot be taken away from me.

And here’s the cool thing about having Jesus as your husband–He fights for you.

One of the more notable sections of Scripture addressing marriage is in Ephesians 5. A couple years ago my pastor preached on Ephesians 5:25-27. I don’t remember if this was a series in Ephesians, on marriage, or what. I just know that I took some pprreettyy good notes that Sunday. Here’s a little nugget of how great my scribe skillz are:
-Christ fights for His bride
-my worth isn’t defined by what I bring to the table…Jesus brings everything
-I am loved by Christ and that is my identity
-Jesus is at war against the spots and wrinkles in my life–covering them, cleansing them–to make me & present me as spotless & beautiful

I’ve lived much of my life thinking that I’ll be complete once I find “the one.” Thanks Jerry MaGuire.

But the beautiful, freeing truth is that I cannot be complete and spotless outside of Christ.

It’s a lesson I’m still learning. Some days I still think that I need something other than Jesus. Some days I think that someone else can fight for me in a perfect way and present me without blemish. Some days I let others dictate my value.

Jesus already has. Jesus already does. Jesus always will.

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Jan 15 2014
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Am I a pessimist?

Occasionally I read a blog on Christianity Today’s website.

As I clicked through recently, I came across an ad/link that literally made me laugh out loud. To be honest, it was more of a “are you kidding me?” laugh than a “man that’s hilarious!” laugh.

The ad/link said: “Waiting for a Wedding: Staying optimistic while waiting for your heart’s desires.”

First off, “heart’s desires” is such a girly Christian term I giggle a bit on the inside every time I hear it, not just in this context. Also I think I say it wwwaayyyy too much.

Secondly, is that all I’m waiting on? My wedding? If my ultimate hope and anticipation is in my wedding day, my actual marriage might struggle a bit. (As a side note, Fergie’s song Finally just started playing on my iPhone shuffle playlist. Well played, music.) 

I can’t read the Scriptures, Old Testament or New, and come to the conclusion that the epitome of my waiting is my wedding. Sure, I have a desire to one day be married, but my anticipation in life should not be ONLY for my wedding day. My deepest anticipation and desire should be for eternal communion with Jesus Christ.

When I see ads or links like the one mentioned above, it makes me think about how people may view my attitude toward this whole singleness thing. Unfortunately, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I think the overall culture of the American church is that, if I’m not married or pursuing marriage, there is something wrong with me, my life isn’t complete, or I need to be “fixed.” If my deepest desire and my constant thought isn’t on my wedding, do I seem like a pessimist? I would hope not. I would hope that my life still reflects optimism, but that the optimism is rooted in the fact that one day Christ will come again and make all things right. Including my attitude towards weird ads on Christian websites.

Question: Do you ever come across ads on websites that make you scratch your head or laugh in disbelief?

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