Tag Archives: Jesus

Dec 07 2016
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a date which will live in infamy

bruce_harbor

Where my history nerds at?

This title only works for today.

But the post is applicable all days. I think.

Today, December 7th, is Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day. A date in which we Americans recall the attack on Pearl Harbor during WWII. It was a dark day in our history. If you’ve ever seen the movie Pearl Harbor with Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett, think about the darkness in (parts) of that movie, and then don’t. Because that movie is so inaccurate, and it’s just a love story, and history smishtory.

I digress.

But.

As I was thinking about today – about remembering the darkness in our country’s past – I started thinking about days in my life that may live in infamy. I had specific seasons and time periods and events that came to my mind that I remember as dark, marked days that had a profound impact on my life and who I am today.

On December 8, 1941, President Franklin D. Roosevelt delivered one of the most famous speeches in our modern history. The ending, the call to action, is so desperately hopeful:

“Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger. With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph – so help us God.”

In my personal infamous days, I believe FDR’s words ring even truer. The enemy exists. There is no blinking at the fact that darkness is real and we are in grave danger. But with confidence in our risen Savior, with the unbounding grace and mercy of our Father, we have gained the inevitable triumph – in Jesus.

Praise God – He enters in and redeems. The victory is already ours.

Infamy doesn’t equal defeat.
Our dark days may have quite a blow on our souls.
But Jesus wins in the end. And I can press on, clinging to that truth.

 

(also, you’re welcome for the picture of Jennifer Garner in Pearl Harbor because she’s the only good thing about that movie and I bet you didn’t even know she was in it…)

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Nov 30 2016
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Uncategorized

when it feels like no one shows up

when-it-feels-like

I wrote the following a couple weeks ago when I felt really naked and exposed and too full of shame and guilt to speak these words to anyone, so writing them just felt like the natural thing to do. Then I shoved them away. But they came back again in a couple different conversations, so, I have to share them now.

I still feel pretty naked and exposed at times, but God is teaching me that my shame is not something I can let the enemy have. I need to give Him my shame, and my guilt, and my exposure, and my nakedness. And in that, I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that He will receive all of it and all of me, and will sit with me in the fiery furnace.

It’s pretty short, but it’s pretty raw. And it was all I could bear at the time.

Read on:

Sometimes I get sad.
Sometimes I think I’m alone and unlovable and that no one really wants to be my friend.

That I’ve been found out. The real Kayla has finally stood up and she’s repulsive.

I’m feeling a little bit like that lately.
I’ve let my guard down and the enemy has snuck in through the back door. I kinda think he’s like a little mosquito that gets in right before the door shuts and you don’t even know he’s in the house until he’s bitten you 7 times and you start to itch a day later.

That’s how I feel right now.

I feel isolated. Unloved. Alone. Unworthy. And itchy.

I know these feelings are not feelings God delights in my feeling.
I know that God is good and that I am loved and worthy.

But I also feel like God is just kinda letting me lay my head on His holy shoulder and is weeping with me. He’s feeling these things just as I am.
I don’t think He’s telling me to just figure it out and get along with my life.

No.
He’s in the mire.
He’s holding me close, throbbing in pain right alongside me.

When it feels like no one else is showing up, the enemy is probably on the move.
When it feels like no one else is showing up, God is.
When it feels like no one else is showing up, it doesn’t matter – the King of Creation and Lover of my soul never leaves or forsakes me. He has already shown up and will not leave.

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Nov 18 2016
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The Psalms

psalm 15

psalm-15

O Lord, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill?
He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart; who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend; in whose eyes a vile person is despised, but who honors those who fear the Lord; who swears to his own hurt and does not change; who does not put out his money at interest and does not take a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things shall never be moved.

Well.
Isn’t that encouraging.

“He who does these things shall never be moved.”

I do not hit that standard.

Let’s pretend, for a second, that I was reading this psalm without any knowledge of who Jesus is. That I approached this text as someone who just wanted to figure out how she could work her way to God and earn some holiness.

I think I would throw the book through a window and start hyperventilating after I read these words.

Everything that David lays out here – everything that it takes to dwell on the holy hill of the Lord – I do the opposite of those things.

For crying out loud – today alone I could place a checkmark by most of the list, indicating that which I failed to comply with.

But.

Thankfully…

I have Jesus.

I have the One, and only One, who has ever completely and wholly done these things. The only One righteous enough to sojourn in the tent of the Lord, to dwell on His holy hill, has bled and died on my behalf, and rose after 3 days in a borrowed tomb to redeem my soul and place me on the holy hill of the Lord Almighty.

I don’t have to work my way up the mountain.
I don’t have to live in despair in the valley.

Jesus – the Savior Himself – fulfills the law for me so that I can enter the presence of the Most High God and be declared clean & righteous in His eyes. And so I am.

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Nov 09 2016
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The Psalms, Uncategorized

psalm 14

psalm 14.png

I guess the best way to start doing something again is to just start doing it.

So.

Here we are.

Psalm 14.

The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”
They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good.
The Lord looks down from heaven on the children of man, to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God.
They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one.
Have they no knowledge, all the evildoers who eat up my people as they eat bread and do not call upon the Lord?
There they are in great terror, for God is with the generation of the righteous.
You would same the plans of the poor, but the Lord is his refuge.
Oh, that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion!
When the Lord restores the fortunes of his people, let Jacob rejoice, let Israel be glad.

I typed this psalm out then went and ate some goldfish, because I just really had to make sure what I’m about to say is what I’m supposed to say.

From my view of the world and the things happening around me/on social media, a lot of us like to take a passage like this and say, “HA! YES! See you FOOL!”

We like to point our fingers at those that are corrupt, doing abominable deeds.

But I can’t read through this whole dang thang and shake my finger at someone else. Because here it tells me that God looks down from heaven and all have turned aside.

We all say in our hearts, “there is no God.” We all say with our actions, “there is no God.” We all say with the way we bow our heads in despair over an election, “there is no God.”

We are all included in this. None of us do good.

So, as you go throughout the rest of this week, keep that in mind.

You and I are sinners in need of a great savior. And that savior has not and will never be the president of the United States. That savior has not and will never be the United States herself. [side note: why is a country always referred to in the feminine? If you have answers, please share.]

The only one great enough to save all of us is Jesus.

“Oh, that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion!”

He did.
Let’s trust, with the deepest part of who we are, that His work is finished.

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Aug 27 2016
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Identity

bad for my soul

bad for my soul

This one’s been stewing in my head for a couple weeks.

I was in a coffee shop not long ago shootin the breeze with a friend, like ya do, and I mentioned a movie that I had recently seen. It was just bad. Just a bad movie. I saw things and heard phrases that shouldn’t have been exposed to my eyes and brain.

And, hear me, I’m not a hyper-conservative viewer of entertainment. I watch movies that have cuss words and dark story lines and are not necessarily something I would take my Grandma to see.

But this one was just bad. It exposed me to things my soul just didn’t need to be exposed to – reintroduced my brain to sin patterns that God had healed me from years ago, and in an instant produced unhealthy guilt and shame that I hadn’t felt in quite a while.

As I said to my friend, “oooohhhh DON’T see that! It was NOT good!” she responded with, “But did you think it would be?”

My honest answer – no. No I did not. I knew it would be bad.
My answer to my friend – “Well…I can handle quite a bit…I thought I could handle it…I’m usually able to deal with that kind of stuff…”

What a load of crap.

I was justifying my indulgence in a coping mechanism – to escape, to laugh, to pretend like I am immune to the tactics of the enemy.

This past week, another friend and I were talking about how easy it is to have our minds just flat out messed with. She can look at a post of someone selling their house on Facebook and immediately be thrown into insecurities of never being able to afford something like that, and not having the house she’s always wanted that has the carriage house her blogger friend can live in, and not being able to live in a good school district, and basically screwing up her children-that-she-doesn’t-have-yet’s lives because she can only afford half of what her friend is asking for their house.

I can look at a friend’s family photos on Facebook and cry because I don’t have what is so perfectly portrayed on the computer screen.
I can browse Pinterest for wedding ideas, planning the perfect day for my to-be husband and I, and then wonder why I’m struggling with loneliness and being single.

I think sometimes we like to think that our minds are completely fine and protected and NOTHING CAN GET IN HERE BECAUSE JESUS. But I’m coming to find more and more that while yes, God does protect us, I think He also desires for us to desire good things. When I know something will not be good for my soul, I don’t need to watch it. When I know Instagram will make me doubt God’s goodness, I need to stay off of it. If I know before I even start it, that the thing I’m getting ready to watch/read/do/experience will push me farther from Christ, I need to flee from it.

I’m glad I have people around me that ask, “But did you think it would be?”
Because that pushes me to think – to think about what I’m exposing my soul to. To think about honoring who I am and Who Jesus is with what I put into my brain and body.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

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