Kayla Smith

This one’s been stewing in my head for a couple weeks.

I was in a coffee shop not long ago shootin the breeze with a friend, like ya do, and I mentioned a movie that I had recently seen. It was just bad. Just a bad movie. I saw things and heard phrases that shouldn’t have been exposed to my eyes and brain.

And, hear me, I’m not a hyper-conservative viewer of entertainment. I watch movies that have cuss words and dark story lines and are not necessarily something I would take my Grandma to see.

But this one was just bad. It exposed me to things my soul just didn’t need to be exposed to – reintroduced my brain to sin patterns that God had healed me from years ago, and in an instant produced unhealthy guilt and shame that I hadn’t felt in quite a while.

As I said to my friend, “oooohhhh DON’T see that! It was NOT good!” she responded with, “But did you think it would be?”

My honest answer – no. No I did not. I knew it would be bad.
My answer to my friend – “Well…I can handle quite a bit…I thought I could handle it…I’m usually able to deal with that kind of stuff…”

What a load of crap.

I was justifying my indulgence in a coping mechanism – to escape, to laugh, to pretend like I am immune to the tactics of the enemy.

This past week, another friend and I were talking about how easy it is to have our minds just flat out messed with. She can look at a post of someone selling their house on Facebook and immediately be thrown into insecurities of never being able to afford something like that, and not having the house she’s always wanted that has the carriage house her blogger friend can live in, and not being able to live in a good school district, and basically screwing up her children-that-she-doesn’t-have-yet’s lives because she can only afford half of what her friend is asking for their house.

I can look at a friend’s family photos on Facebook and cry because I don’t have what is so perfectly portrayed on the computer screen.
I can browse Pinterest for wedding ideas, planning the perfect day for my to-be husband and I, and then wonder why I’m struggling with loneliness and being single.

I think sometimes we like to think that our minds are completely fine and protected and NOTHING CAN GET IN HERE BECAUSE JESUS. But I’m coming to find more and more that while yes, God does protect us, I think He also desires for us to desire good things. When I know something will not be good for my soul, I don’t need to watch it. When I know Instagram will make me doubt God’s goodness, I need to stay off of it. If I know before I even start it, that the thing I’m getting ready to watch/read/do/experience will push me farther from Christ, I need to flee from it.

I’m glad I have people around me that ask, “But did you think it would be?”
Because that pushes me to think – to think about what I’m exposing my soul to. To think about honoring who I am and Who Jesus is with what I put into my brain and body.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)