Author Archives: kayla

Jun 13 2017
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The Psalms

psalm 29

psalm 29.png

It’s been 24 days since I’ve written anything.
24 days since internet pen has met internet paper.

I’ve definitely felt a bit of a void by letting this discipline go by the wayside. And I really didn’t have a discernible reason outside of I just didn’t feel like it.

I felt used up.
Inadequate.
Voiceless.
Tired.

I was just kinda done. Why keep reading through the psalms and writing about what they’re saying to me when it seems to be the same thing week after week after week. Won’t people realize that I’m just repeating myself? Won’t they get tired of the stale nature of what I have to say? Am I even relevant, bro?

But tonight, I picked the laptop back up and flipped to psalm 29:

Ascribe to the Lord, O heavenly beings, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness.
The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord, over many waters.
The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is full of majesty.
The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars; the Lord breaks the cedars of Lebanon.
He makes Lebanon to skip like a calf, and Siren like a young wild ox.
The voice of the Lord flashes forth flames of fire.
The voice of the Lord shakes the wilderness; the Lord shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.
The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth and strips the forests bare, and in his temple all cry, “Glory!”
The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; the Lord sits enthroned as king forever.
May the Lord give strength to his people!
May the Lord bless his people with peace!

I come to God’s precious word and I’m reminded, yet again, that this whole endeavor is not about me. Who CARES if people get tired of hearing the same thing over and over? The more I learn about God and His gospel, the more I’m realizing I’ve just scratched the surface, and that I need this simplistic truth beaten into my head every.single.day.

I need to be reminded of who God is – that He is powerful, full of majesty, that He breaks the cedars, He sits enthroned as king forever.

Not Kayla.
Not Kayla’s blog.
Not anything I have ever done or ever hope to do can receive the glory that is ascribed to the Lord by the heavenly beings and His people.

And that gives me hope and strength to press on. Not just in writing, but in life.
The promise that the One who is due all the glory to His name will bless His people with peace – well…that’s enough to write about for years to come.

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May 20 2017
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Contentment, Identity

what do i do when i don’t get the blessing?

blessing blog

I’ve been writing this one in my head for a few weeks, so it’s probably time to put it on internet paper.

With graduations and engagements and weddings and new seasons in general, I’ve seen a lot on social media about God being so good because people are so blessed.

I get really excited when people acknowledge that we serve and are known by a good, loving, gracious, merciful God who gives His children good things.
But I get pretty bummed out when we only acknowledge Him along with completing a degree, getting engaged, receiving a promotion, getting pregnant, starting a new relationship, get a new car…insert “good thing” here.

I believe those things are all good things, and again, it is of utmost importance to recognize that good gifts come from our good God. That, ultimately, we don’t earn or deserve what we have – it has all been given for us to steward and use for God’s glory.

But what happens when I don’t get the blessing?
Is God still good?

What happens when:
I fail a class and have to retake it, putting graduation off for another year…
My boyfriend breaks up with me because he’s just not feeling it anymore…
I receive a formal reprimand because of relational friction in the workplace…
I have miscarriage after miscarriage and just don’t understand why my body isn’t cooperating…
Both of my grandmas get cancer at the same time…
Friends that I thought would be by my side forever have now rejected me and I have no idea why…
My car gets totaled in a hail storm…

Is God still good?

Or have we become a people who condition His love for us, and dare I say, our love for Him, along with what He gives us?

Tonight I’m going to the church I grew up in to open up a youth rally with some worship time. I’m going to play a song that has these lyrics:

Though You slay me, yet I will praise You
Though You take from me, I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me, still I will worship
Sing a song to the One who’s all I need

I’m straight up nervous about this one because I know it will rock some worlds.

“Umm…nah…I’m not interested in that God.”
“If God is good, He wouldn’t take from me.”
“But doesn’t God just want us all to be happy and feel good all of the time?”

James 1:17 says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

Do you know what God’s Word says is perfect? God’s love & Jesus’ life.

Jesus is the perfect gift.
Jesus is the good gift.
Jesus is the blessing that none of us deserve but all of us can freely receive.

My blessing isn’t that I receive every material gift I’ve ever wanted and have no hardship in life.

My blessing is that the God of all creation sent His one and only Son to live a life that I cannot live – a life free from sin – die a death that I deserve to die because of my sin and rebellion against His perfection, and raise again on the third day so that I am now made spotless, whole, complete in Him.

I’d rather have that blessing than anything this world has to offer.

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May 10 2017
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The Psalms

psalm 28

psalm 28.png

Have I ever told you how much I love the psalms? How I adore David’s heart and his unabated laying-down of all of his hardships and delight in the Lord?

Often, in my prayers, I am nervous about telling God that He needs to listen to me – that when I cry for help, I need Him to answer me. Making demands of God seems to be risky business to me – and I’m not talking about the Tom Cruise kind.

Yet, I continue to read and read and read David’s pleas and prayers to the Lord. And the more I read them, the more I see that God is 100% okay with me telling Him exactly how I feel. He loves me so greatly – so scandalously – that He actually wants to work through my hurts, hardships, tragedies, and triumphs.

My view of how God sees me continues to become so personal and so delight-filled, yet, at the same time, there is so much more that I don’t know or understand.

I can’t fully understand how the God that created all that we see and know, made man & woman and breathed into them His breath of life – that God wants me to bring my heart to Him and commune in His presence. That God hears my pleas for mercy. That God is my saving refuge.

That God will be my shepherd and carry me forever.

I just can’t wrap my mind around it.
And I’m totally okay with living in that mysterious unknown.

To you, O Lord, I call; my rock, be not deaf to me, lest, if you be silent to me, I become like those who go down to the pit.
Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy, when I cry to you for help, when I lift up my hands toward your most holy sanctuary.

Do not drag me off with the wicked, with the workers of evil, who speak peace with their neighbors while evil is in their hearts. Give to them according to their work and according to the evil of their deeds; give to them according to the work of their hands; render them their due reward.
Because they do not regard the works of the Lord or the works of his hands, he will tear them down and build them up no more.

Blessed be the Lord!
For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

The Lord is the strength of his people; he is the saving refuge of his anointed.
Oh, save your people and bless your heritage!
Be their shepherd and carry them forever.

 

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May 03 2017
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The Psalms

psalm 27

psalm 27.png

Sometimes you just need a sentence to start a blog, and I can’t think of one right now so I’m writing this.

Glad I got that out of the way.

Life is weird and hard. I think of all that is going on in my life, in the lives of my friends, in the lives of my family, in the lives of my friend’s families, and it’s just hard. Sure, some things are harder than others, but as a whole, life is not easy.

As a follower of Jesus it’s often difficult for me to sit in the hard things, in the unknown, and trust God. Sure, I trust that He has granted me eternal life through the life, death, and resurrection of Christ; however I don’t always trust that He’s got my day-to-day laid out as neatly as I would like for Him to.

As a friend and I recently discussed – sure God, we’re on board with you being in control and having the reins of our lives, but could you just tell us where we’re going? Maybe drop a line with a heads up on which train station we’re about to pull in to?

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And then…I open up tonight’s psalm.
I’m just gonna give you a couple verses, but you can read the whole thing here.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (v1)

One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple. (v4)

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! (v14)

As much as I would love to know where God is taking me in the next 5 months, 5 years, 10 years, etc. – I don’t have to know the details to be confident that He will take care of me. He is my light and salvation. He is my stronghold.

Not marriage.
Not a job.
Not friendships.
Not personal happiness.

He is.

And you know what cures that discontentment? Gazing upon the beauty of the Lord. Oh that my heart’s desire would be Him and Him alone!
I can’t imagine how peaceful my little beating heart would be if the one thing I sought after in this life was to dwell in the house of the Lord. Instead, I waste my time seeking after comfort, approval, momentary satisfaction – all things that can’t sustain.

And then, we get to the end.

The word “strong” here in the original Hebrew means: to fasten upon.

It doesn’t mean physical strength. It’s not telling me to go lift some more at the gym. To get swole for Jesus.

It is telling me to fasten myself to the Lord. To wait for Him while I’m attached to Him.

I don’t know where the next steps of my life will take me. But gosh darn it, I’m going to latch myself like a sloth on a branch to God and just enjoy the ride.

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Apr 26 2017
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The Psalms

psalm 26

psalm 26

Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the Lord without wavering.
Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind.
For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness.

I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites.
I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked.

I was my hands in innocence and go around your altar, O Lord, proclaiming thanksgiving aloud, and telling all your wondrous deeds.

O Lord, I love the habitation of your house and the place where your glory dwells. Do not sweep my should away with sinners, nor my life with bloodthirsty men, in whose hands are evil devices, and whose right hands are full of bribes.

But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity; redeem me, and be gracious to me.
My foot stands on level ground; in the great assembly I will bless the Lord.

When I first sat down to this psalm tonight, I felt like I needed to add, “Yyeeaaahh OPPOSITE DAY!” to the ending.

I read this through one time and felt all of my inadequacies bubble up to the surface. I felt the weight of my sin nullifying the words that David writes. The reality of, “Man, I could never say this about myself!” overpowering the beauty of the Gospel and the even more real reality of redemption.

I read through this again and felt an overwhelming sense of praise and peace flood over me – a recognition that, yeah, I can never ever eevvveerrr say this about myself. But, I can say this about Jesus.

I can look to the One who bore my sin on His body and say, “I do not sit with men of falsehood…I sit in the presence of Jesus, the One they call the Christ, and I proclaim thanksgiving and tell of His wondrous deeds.”

And because of Jesus I truly can say, “O Lord, I love the place where Your glory dwells.” O how I long for those moments of glory – of heaven on earth – of the Spirit of God to be so evident in my life that I can’t ignore His movement any longer! I crave the grace He pours out morning by morning! And from that posture of my heart, I get where David is coming from.

I don’t think David has illusions of being sinless or in no need of mercy – I think he just has a proper view of who his God is, and because of that, he has a proper view of himself.

We can, along with David, boldly proclaim that our feet stand on level ground because Christ has paved the way for us. He has called us out of darkness into His marvelous light, and empowers us to walk in that light.

Praise be to God whose steadfast love is ever before our eyes!!

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