I typically read through/write about an entire psalm, but this week I just can’t even you guys. There’s some stuff I need to sit with.
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.
In you our fathers trusted; the trusted, and you delivered them.
To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.v.1-5
Why have You forsaken me?
Why have You not relieved me from this pain?
Do you even hear me?
Do you even care?
I ask God questions like this quite a bit. And I’m comforted to know I’m not the only one. Even the man they say was THE MAN after God’s own heart (that’s David, btw) questioned God.
He doubted for a hot second.
He wondered if God really was THE GOD He says He is.
I don’t get it.
I don’t fully understand how it can often feel as if God just doesn’t give a rip about my groaning. That I continually cry out and find no relief from the Great Healer.
It seems as if rest is illusive and the Lord is somehow using hard seasons of life to teach me some mean lesson.
If I were God, I would have given me what I wanted by now, because dangit I deserve it! I’ve been through enough! I’ve learned my lesson!
But then….
I am reminded that He has not changed.
He has not moved.
He is still holy and enthroned on high.
He has delivered those that have trusted in Him.
I’m so thankful the True God that loves me allows me to doubt Him for a hot second. That He welcomes the why-have-you-forsaken-me’s and the why-are-you-so-far’s.
So that’s what I’m going to sit with tonight.
I’m going to bang on His door and let myself in.
I’m going to have a chat with Him about the state of my heart.
But while I’m doing it, I’m going to remember that He is still God, He is still good, and He still loves me.
That the gift of redemption and complete restoration through Jesus Christ is still mine.
Kayla Smith 