First off, yes, I know it’s April and no, my Christmas tree is not still up. And B) for all the liturgical nerds out there, yes, I know the third/pink candle represents joy and I’m here talking about peace, but
(I’m not starving, but this is accurate)
If anything, this pic is a representation of how long I’ve been thinking about this idea of disruptive peace. Two words that typically don’t go together.
They’ve been stuck in my head for months.
This weird idea of disruption throwing you out of sorts, but peace bringing you…well…peace, and how weirdly, peace has disrupted my life.
I love lighting advent candles. I love the glow of the tree (obviously), the early morning light, staring at the flame with a cup of coffee in hand.
I love that week by week, we add more. The anticipation of all four candles being lit is such a delight to me. I love that by the fourth week, the first candle is burned so far down, but still lights with its companions.
The advent candles represent a journey for me. And this year the journey has been specifically toward peace.
You see, I’m a person that can get really worked up. Walking out of the gym and seeing a vehicle parked in a spot that the driver just decided to make into a parking spot, when it’s clearly not a parking spot, works me up to the point that I say something to my friend multiple days in a row and finally got the chance to make very aggressive eye contact to which I took FULL advantage.
Again, I can get really worked up. And it’s often over dumb stuff like a parking spot that has no actual affect (or is it effect?) impact on my life.
But it can also be about relationships, or lack thereof.
Job performance.
Health issues.
Car trouble.
Etc.
Etc.
It’s very easy and natural for me to lean into anxiety. To give myself over to the negative and worrisome storylines in my head that may or may not be true.
So a few months ago when I started having issues in relationships
Job performance
Health
Car
Etc.
Etc.
and I wasn’t getting worked up, it was disruptive.
I’ll spare you all the details, unless you want to buy me a beverage and do nothing but listen to me ramble for 2-6 hours, but let’s just say 2023 was a doozy. She was not my favorite. The ending of 2023 was quite frankly:
Yet, it was peaceful.
It was peacefully the worst.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:4-7 (CSB)
"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." - Philippians 4:6-7 (MSG)
This peace that I was feeling in the midst of a hellish season was disruptive.
It disrupted my normal thought patterns.
It disrupted my anxiety.
It disrupted the way I typically deal with stressors in my world.
Now don’t get me wrong – I had plenty of breakdowns and tears and commiseration sessions with myself and others. It was not a sunshine and rainbows kind of hellish season.
But not once did I wonder if the peace of Christ was near. I knew in my bones that it was. I knew that Christ peacefully held my breakdowns and tears and commiseration sessions. In fact, I believe He was right there with me. I believe Holy Spirit – the Helper – was helping me breakdown and cry and commiserate, to put to death the pain, disappointment, anger, and so much more that was inside.
And before I knew it, a sense of God’s wholeness settled me down.
I don’t think when Paul was writing to the Philippians about the peace of Christ he was talking about a hunky-dory, whistle while you work kind of life.
I don’t think he was talking about nothing every bothering you or causing you stress or worry ever again for the rest of all time.
I think he was talking about life with Christ that settles your mind, heart, and soul even when everything is falling apart.
Not to dismiss the falling apart, but to acknowledge that Jesus disrupts the destruction as things fall apart and holds you near.
I think Paul was talking about what happened to me over the last few months, and I sure do hope this peace keeps disrupting my life in the best of ways.
Kayla Smith 